Monday, December 28

A YEAR IN A SUITCASE PART 4

Setting out for an adventure! One year living out of a suitcase! Scared shitless! Getting rid of everything I own that didn’t fit into a 22” suitcase and backpack….why… because I was mad at God. I had done everything He’d asked… as He so eloquently pointed out… things He didn’t ask… and this was the thanks I got…. A crashed life? Fine… take it all… have it all… fuck you!~ (Being Real for the first time in my life! And then… because I wasn’t happy.

Life as I previous knew it had changed… and somehow I knew if I was going to survive… I had to change too…. And in order to change… I had to go out and find different ways of living.

So after the end of a thirty-year marriage and bankrupt business I decided to get rid of everything that didn’t fit into a 22” suitcase and backpack, including my car!

You may be asking why in the world would you do that? Well, I was out of options! The church’s answer to my current situation was, “You just need to do, give and pray more… You’ll be fine!” I’d been doing that and it wasn’t working!

Then the solution from Western Medicine was… “You need pills!! Hormones, anti-depressants, and sleeping pills…. In effect… we’ll put you out for this next learning cycle of your life. “Uh, no thanks! You did that for my mom and sister and their both dead!”

By the grace of God, I knew that something had to change and had realized that something had to be me.

I began to understand that everything changes. I had come from an ultra conservative background where I believed that as long as everything remained the same, “I was doing it right!”

But through this experience I realized that absolutely nothing stays the same. All we have to do is look around us and see that nature is a great mirror to witness first hand that in fact… everything changes. We can see this easily in the four seasons or the monthly waxing and waning of the moon. I began to embrace change instead of resisting it and learned to appreciate what Plato meant when he said, “You cannot step into the same river twice.”  

In my latest book, A Year in a Suitcase, one can easily see that when one has the courage to make changes in their life….magic happens! Read all about possibilities… A Year in a Suitcase is still on sale! Two books for $30, plus shipping. 

See you next year!!! 












Monday, December 21

A YEAR IN A SUITCASE PART 3

It was black outside and there was no one on the freeway that I noticed. But then, I wasn’t noticing anything. I could have been in a different state or on another planet for that matter! My brain was in a fog!

Earlier in the day, I had received a phone call from my daughter. She and one of my son’s had left our home in Northern Cal to attend college in Southern Cal a few weeks previously and she had called to ask me what to do. She was used to me having all the answers and fixing things. The doctor’s were recommending that my son have emergency stomach surgery. But for the first time in my life, I couldn’t fix this. I had no answers! In fact, I had driven past the airport ½ hr before I realized where I was or where I was going.

Life wasn’t turning out at all as I had expected. In fact, I was having many little and not so little earthquakes that were shaking my life. And each time a tremor appeared… I did my best to shore up the wall that was starting to crash. I thought that was my job…. To be sure that nothing changed and no one felt any pain. They were happening so frequently that I even got smart with God saying, “Is this it…. Is this as good as you can do….. Bring it on!” I was completely confident that whatever God could deal out, I could fix! It became my full time job… putting out fires that I blamed God for.

It was that very night that I had a self-defining moment. When I came back to reality, I noticed the tears streaming down my face, and I cried out loud “Uncle! I give up! You win! I can’t fix this! I don’t know what’s best for my son and I don’t know how to pay for it! In fact, I don’t know anything anymore!”

Eventually, I could see that all God was trying to do through these little shakes ups in my life was to help me let go…. Free me from the prison I had created for myself… the impossible job of running the Universe! And that night I began to experience the freedom of what Letting Go felt like.


A Year in a Suitcase is still on sale: 2 for $30 
It's not too late to get them in the mail before Christmas! And I'll even wrap and ship them as gifts! Just let me know when you order. 





Monday, December 14

A YEAR IN A SUITCASE PART 2

I remember having a vision of the time I had saved a young girl in the Colorado River from drowning. I was very pregnant with our third child, when I ran into the water and of course the first thing that she did was grab my neck. Still to this day, I clearly remember thinking, "We're both not going to drown here!" And I dove down and grabbed her ankles and pushed her towards the shore.

That's how I felt about my marriage. I felt like I way dying, if not literally, certainly emotionally. It was like in the movie, Shall We Dance? How could I not be happy? How could I want more? How ungrateful could a person be? I had husband who was true and didn't gamble or drink. How ungrateful could a person be?

Then, he gave me a gift. It's how I see it now. Of course, this is ten years after the fact. He had a stroke. I absolutely would not have had the courage to leave had it not been a matter of life and death for me!  "We're both not going to drown here!" I remember thinking.

Long story short: I sold my car so I could get rent money for six months and my youngest son and I moved out. Of course, as you may imagine, I was a total basket case. I couldn't stop crying and I even told my son to call from school as we'd probably have to move back, even though I paid for the entire six months rent in advance. 

Then, my dear priest friend called, and asked, "Did you ever think that you're giving someone an opportunity to grow… rather than you've deserted them? 

To this day, he doesn't remember saying it and I'm confident that it came from a  higher source. Another self-defing moment was discovering that it's not my job to be sure that everyone feels no pain. My job is to live MY life!

My latest book, A Year in a Suitcase is on sale this month 2 for $30. Buy one for a gift and I'll even wrap and ship it for you! 

Monday, December 7

A YEAR IN A SUITCASE PART 1

In the Dale Carnegie course that I'm taking, our first assignment was to talk for two minutes about a self-defining moment. At the ripe old age of 62, I had many to choose from, and realized a handful were what led to my adventure of A Year in a Suitcase. So this month, I'm going to talk each week about one of those self-defining moments and hopefully get ourselves motivated for some kind of adventure in our lives come January.

I looked up and there I was…standing in front of the luggage store at the Denver airport, still in shock from my visit with my dad. While leaving his home, the Hospice Chaplin walked in... and that is how I found out that my father was dying! Feelings of anger, betrayal, abandonment filled my being. 

Why the luggage store? At the time, I had no idea why, but somehow I knew that I would need a new suitcase. I also knew that I had no money. I had no business buying anything! "I have a credit card", I began to scheme. Well, it really wasn't mine. It was one that my dad gave me after my recent divorce and bankruptcy… for emergencies. This was an emergency… wasn't it? A new suitcase? While I would be paying him back, I also knew that using it would come with a litany of questions that I would have to answer. But somehow I didn't care. I confidently walked in and asked the clerk what size of suitcase would one need to carry-on an international flight. "Twenty-two inch," came the reply. I plunked down the credit card, added a purse to the order and transferred my clothes from my little ratty bag. I proudly walked out rolling my new black, no frills, TravelPro, twenty-two inch bag, $400 poorer. 

It wasn't long before I began to panic. "What the hell had I done? Being the queen of taking things back, I knew that this could not be returned and I had no idea how I was going to pay for it! But as soon as I got home, I opened  my emails and there was a note from The Universe. This is what it read, no kidding! Hey Pati, You know how to get more money? Spend it! (Which is opposite of what I had been taught!) I began to understand what keeping the energy flowing was all about. And not to block the flow of energy just because I couldn't understand how things could possibly work out. 

This is the suitcase that I have to this day and its the suitcase that took me on a four-year adventure. In my latest book, you can read about the first year. A Year in a Suitcase. They're on sale on my website 2 for $30, buy one for yourself and one for a gift! 

Monday, November 30

PART 5 GOOD LUCK, BAD LUCK, WHO KNOWS?

What I came away from this past weekend was an amazing adventure and refreshed perspective on life.

But mostly, because no one was available, it became clear to me that my children… while always welcoming towards me…. have lives of their own and it was about time that I got one too!

Sometime back, I had taken a trip up the west coast, into the Pacific Northwest and back down through central California. I explained to my shaman, "It felt like I was taking a net and somehow embracing the whole area. It seemed like I was tucking all the children in bed. They were all fine…. It was now time for me to be fine as well. Pursuit my dreams and goals."

That was two years ago and I found that I was being reminded of that lesson AGAIN! My Higher Guidance was saying, "Everyone is fine… are you? Everyone has a journey. It's not yours to live or to analyze." When I can stop living my life through my children, I have the freedom to live my own life…. and that's scary!

Monday, November 23

PART 4 GOOD LUCK? BAD LUCK? GRATITUDE

It seems appropriate, this being the week of Thanksgiving, to pause and look at life from perhaps another set of eyes. Seeing things from another angle… a new perspective can turn what appears to be Bad Luck into Good Luck!

First and foremost, we need to let go of control! Scary huh! But once we can let go of how we think things should be and say yes to how they are, then we are free to live in a state of gratitude. And when we can be in gratitude… for everything... we begin to live life filled with passion and joy.

Secondly, if we can stay living in the moment, there can be nothing but gratitude because we have no expectations and no regrets and so it is easy to be grateful for everything… just how it shows up. We can begin to turn what could be perceived as Bad Luck into Good Luck! It's all a matter of perspective.

I'm grateful for YOU!

Monday, November 16

PART 3 GOOD LUCK BAD LUCK - PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION

Good Luck? Bad Luck? Who Knows? … Public Transportation! Good Luck!

I found my way to the information booth in the airport and asked how I could get to the Big OC, via public transportation.

"You can take the city bus to the train station downtown," the older women said with a smile. "You can catch it right out Door 19. It's just over there," she said as she pointed in the direction I should go. Oh, What Good Luck! Next stop Amtrack Train Station! The bus stopped right across the street from the station and I was grateful I had checked my bag, something I never do! Hummmm…Good Luck? I boarded the bus, found my seat when a family speaking only spanish boarded. After a period of time, it was apparent they didn't have the correct change and so I offered them $5, which I happened to have. Good Luck?  They gratefully accepted and the other passengers applauded. I've been there! Not speaking the language and not understanding the protocol.

With just my backpack, I walked towards the station and I could see a sign… too far away… what did it say?  …Trains down for maintenance during the month of October!... Oh What Bad Luck! Many  questions later, I discovered that they had employed the services of luxury bus lines that would take me non-stop to the Big OC for $22! And it was leaving straight away… As I sat in the front seat high above the traffic we whizzed by all the traffic, I thought… "Oh What Good Luck!"But wait… Who Knows?

Quickly after arriving at the station in Irvine, I found there were no city buses running. Bad Luck? Then I remembered my daughter had told me about Uber and I had recently downloaded the mobile app. I punched a button on my phone in within three minutes, an enchanting young college student picked me up and we had a delightful conversation.  All for only $20! One text to my daughter and the garage door magically opened and I spent the afternoon with puppy at the beach. It was also her birthday weekend and so I was able to celebrate with her, in person!  Oh What Good Luck!…Who Knows? (to be continued)

Monday, November 9

PART 2 GOOD LUCK? BAD LUCK?

"Good Luck… Bad Luck… Who Knows"…the farmer whose horse ran away exclaimed! The whole town thought he had Bad Luck and then his horse brought back a beautiful mare! Good Luck? Bad Luck? Who Knows? Sometimes it's simply a matter of perspective.

Not enough seats on the airline… Good Luck? Bad Luck? Who Knows? I could go back home…with the safety of a seat… or I could give it up and begin a new adventure! Adventure it is! Good Luck? Who Knows?

Two of my children lived in SoCal and after a couple of phone calls, I realized that I was on this adventure alone! No one was available to pick me up at the airport and there were zero seats on any flights to Tucson from San Diego, Orange County or LAX until Monday, and I now had a job to be back to by then.

"Oh… What bad luck! I should have stayed on the plane!" (One could have thought!)

"What the fuck?"… crossed my mind for a hot second and then I remembered… "Hey, you've got this! It's just like in 2009 when you got rid of everything that didn't fit into a 22" suitcase and backpack… including my car… and you relied on public transportation, traveling where the doors opened and many times in countries that didn't speak English!"  (Read more in my latest book, A Year in a Suitcase!)

I gave myself a little pep talk. "You've got this! At least you know the language!"  I proceeded to the information desk and asked how could I get to the Big OC via public transportation. Good Luck? Bad Luck? Who Knows? (to be continued)



Monday, November 2

GOOD LUCK BAD LUCK… WHO KNOWS? Part 1

My priest/professor friend used to tell me a story of Good Luck, Bad Luck. It was of a farmer whose horse had run away. The town cried…"Oh what bad luck you have!" He simply replied… "Good Luck, Bad Luck… Who knows?"

That's the theme around this series of posts. Good Luck, Bad Luck… its all a matter of perspective.

I recently traveled back from a trip to the midwest and there were more people than seats on my flight home.

One of the common things for airlines to do today… well at least Southwest Airlines… is to overbook seats in assurance all seats are filled at take off.

I remember being very irritated with this practice when they first began to implement it. I remember taking my mother to the airport for a flight and as we stood in this really long line, it was clear they had more people than seats! "Oh,What Bad Luck!"

Since then, they seem to have perfected their technique and I have learned to use it to my advantage… "Oh What Good Luck!" Last year I volunteered my seat and had enough flight credit to take a trip to Puerto Rico with my daughters, where we met Evolve to Live's first official recipient, we were able to support, as he made necessary changes in his life so that he could support his family in Columbia.

So this time, when I found myself in So Cal, (San Diego), and it was clear there were more people than seats, I took a proactive approach and asked if they needed volunteers…."Yes! But there are no more seats to Tucson the rest of the weekend!" "Let me think about it!"

So I decided to turn what could have been perceived Bad Luck… into Good Luck! I used my own philosophy of Why Not? And said Yes to the opportunity that presented itself. "Oh… What Good Luck!"…… or was it?

Monday, October 26

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE


 Several years ago I accompanied my son to Peru where we hiked the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu.

(www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6DULNriI8g
And you can read about this adventure in my latest book, A Year in a Suitcase, available on evolvetolive.com.)

After nearly escaping with my life (too old… out of shape… late start in the day...) I was beyond exhausted when we got back to our room for the night.

My son was the only one in the group who wanted to hike Wayna Picchu the next morning. (Taller mountain in the back).

It seemed like a feat that was simply out of the question for myself. But when I asked the guide if she thought that I could make it, she said something to me that I remember vividly to this day; ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! I've come to really appreciate those three words in my life.

Yes… anything is possible and with her kind words, I got up the next morning at four and made it to the top! Why… because ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

So that brings me to the present day in my life. I decided to run a triathlon. Seems crazy, but its a baby one and it will give me a reason to make conscious choices each day about my health. Come and join us! Evolve to Live is going to have a team. May 6 and 7th 2016  in Sahuarita, AZ!


Monday, October 19

EVALUATE: ADAPT AND EVOLVE!

While researching how to develop a success media campaign, I ran across a young company from Scotland and their advice really hit home with me. EVALUATE: ADAPT AND EVOLVE! It really resonated with me because its how ETL got its start. A young priest said to me, "Evolve or die!" And after much contemplation my sentiments became, "You have to evolve if you want to truly live!"

I could see how I could I apply this philosophy not only to my business but that I could also use it in my personal life.

IN BUSINESS: I've been doing ETL since 2011 and haven't made a profit. Now, I've lived a life that I wouldn't have changed one thing about, but as far as growing ETL, it's time to EVALUATE: ADAPT AND EVOLVE!

PERSONALLY: After having time to think about what my aunt said, "You got fat!" I decided to EVALUATE: ADAPT AND EVOLVE! Evaluate: How is what I'm doing working for me? Adapt: what can I do that will help me make some changes in my life? Evolve: How can I implement them in a way that makes sense in my life right now… today?

My conclusion: Now that I've been able (relatively so) to accept my body exactly how it was created to be… can I consciously make decisions about my health… meaning body, mind and soul? And how can I implement staying awake and present in each moment in a balanced way that makes sense?

I'm going to run a triathlon! Why? WHY NOT?




Monday, October 12

SELF ACCEPTANCE - PART 2

Learning to love myself… every inch… exactly how I am in any given moment didn't come easy… and it's still an on-going challenge.

A few years ago I lived in beautiful spanish style home that was completely secluded in southern Arizona. Because the summer's are so hot and I didn't have the funds to use the air conditioner, it gave me an opportunity to practice loving me… all of me on a daily basis. 

I quickly found out that if you don't use artificial cooling and you don't wear clothes… you weren't hot. So that summer I spent in the nude. 

And there I was… in my face… all day… ME! ALL of ME! For me to see… and experience the judgments that I had developed over the years about myself and my body. 

And then… I even took it one step further. I told my daughter… "I'd watch porn, but I'm afraid I'll die and you children will find it on my computer!" She assured me that it was more popular than my little conservative mind could imagine and gave me a site to explore. 

This was a short lived experiment for me, but it was very revealing. I could witness my resistance and explore my childhood abuse issues from another view point. But mostly what it did for me, was to see the bodies of other women and see that I wasn't any different… better or worse… than any of them. I had the same parts and they were being loved (perception) exactly how they were. Could I do the same for myself? 

So when my aunt blurted out last week You got fat! (Previous post) It was a gift. Simply an opportunity to see how I felt about it. Yes… I had gained weight… now that it was said out loud and I wasn't offended or hurt, I wondered if I could explore another avenue of being conscious and in choice about how I want to move forward in my life.  Whatever I decide to do in the future… eat… exercise… or not…. can I do it consciously? That's my next plan! 

We plan and God laughs!

Monday, October 5

SELF ACCEPTANCE PART 1


I had to laugh during a recent visit with my 83-year old aunt whom I hadn't seen in over a year. With the innocence of a child, she blurted out, You got fat! 

I reflected back to the writing of my now published, third book, A Year in a Suitcase. As I read back in my journals I had written about my astonishment to the fact that my weight had risen to new heights! During this time, I weighed more than when I delivered any one of my four children! Really? How could that be? How could I have let that happen…. to me?

Like many women, I had been weight conscious and even athletic in my younger years. It wasn’t until my life began to shift in a direction that I was unfamiliar with and all I could do, literally, was to remind myself to wake up and breathe through each moment. I didn’t care about anything else. I couldn’t care about anything else! When I finally began to emerge from The Dark Night of the Soul… I was in disbelief. Was this really my body? Oh how it had changed. I became a bit more aware and conscious of what I was putting in my mouth but I still wasn’t motivated to do much else about it.

While away on a trip, a book caught my attention. It was taken of brave women showing their tastefully exposed naked bodies. The title…. This is Who I Am…. I instantly knew that I would like to make a book titled…. This is My Body…. it is NOT Who I am!

My aunt had given me a gift, an opportunity to take another look at accepting myself exactly how I am. Can I love me… every inch of me without judgment? Can I be in choice? Can I consciously decide what I put into my mouth and enjoy it without guilt? Can I enjoy what I choose to put into my mouth without making excuses or punishing myself at a later date using the excuse, I ate/drank too much. When I get home… I have to fast/run…whatever punishment seems appropriate!


Certainly I want to be as healthy and look as good as possible. However, it seems as important to accept, love and make peace with me… exactly how I am. 

Thursday, August 13

YOUR LIFE: A MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR

Recently, I drove 10,000 miles in 1 month in my little Sentra. I had an outline of where I was going, but let God/The Universe support my desires as they surfaced. 

I started near the Mexican border, headed west to So Cal; drove up to Oakland and then Grass Valley, where I picked up a friend. We headed east to New Hampshire, where I dropped her off and continued to Toronto, Canada, where I picked up my friend from Ireland. He and I continued on to Ottawa, Montreal and Quebec City. I had previously decided that I needed to go to Nova Scotia, with no idea why. One morning on the TV someone was being interviewed and said that he went to Halifax, Nova Scotia twice a year. So we headed east and found an Irish Pub where we discovered there was a car ferry to Portland, Maine. We continued on to Niagara Falls and the journey eventually took me through Canada and down through Upper Peninsula, Michigan and down through Wisconsin where we attended an Indian Pow Wow for July 4th. We continued south through Kansas, Missouri, New Mexico and ended up in Arizona. 

A Magical Mystery Tour; that is our life! We are the co-creators/bus drivers of our life and we get to decide how we want it to look and where we want to go. This first step is simply to  

Get Clear with your desires. What will you create? What brings you joy? What makes you smile?  Don't make excuses or block the flow of energy because you can't understand how it could possibly happen. 

Then, set back, let go and trust… You can't make a mistake! There are no wrong turns. Whichever road you choose will lead you to adventure and growth.

Get Clear… Be Clear with your intention…. write it down… and watch the Magic Happen!!! 

Happy Creating!