It was black outside and there was no one on the freeway that I noticed. But then, I wasn’t noticing anything. I could have been in a different state or on another planet for that matter! My brain was in a fog!
Earlier in the day, I had received a phone call from my daughter. She and one of my son’s had left our home in Northern Cal to attend college in Southern Cal a few weeks previously and she had called to ask me what to do. She was used to me having all the answers and fixing things. The doctor’s were recommending that my son have emergency stomach surgery. But for the first time in my life, I couldn’t fix this. I had no answers! In fact, I had driven past the airport ½ hr before I realized where I was or where I was going.
Life wasn’t turning out at all as I had expected. In fact, I was having many little and not so little earthquakes that were shaking my life. And each time a tremor appeared… I did my best to shore up the wall that was starting to crash. I thought that was my job…. To be sure that nothing changed and no one felt any pain. They were happening so frequently that I even got smart with God saying, “Is this it…. Is this as good as you can do….. Bring it on!” I was completely confident that whatever God could deal out, I could fix! It became my full time job… putting out fires that I blamed God for.
It was that very night that I had a self-defining moment. When I came back to reality, I noticed the tears streaming down my face, and I cried out loud “Uncle! I give up! You win! I can’t fix this! I don’t know what’s best for my son and I don’t know how to pay for it! In fact, I don’t know anything anymore!”
Eventually, I could see that all God was trying to do through these little shakes ups in my life was to help me let go…. Free me from the prison I had created for myself… the impossible job of running the Universe! And that night I began to experience the freedom of what Letting Go felt like.
A Year in a Suitcase is still on sale: 2 for $30
It's not too late to get them in the mail before Christmas! And I'll even wrap and ship them as gifts! Just let me know when you order.