Sunday, October 30

THE RIVERBEND RETREAT HOUSE



Today it was with joy and sadness that I packed the last of my things and said goodbye to The Riverbend Retreat House in Grass Valley. I had spent several days there alone in ceremony and reflection, a most magnificent gift to me. Putting the last bits and pieces into my friend’s car reminded me of two years ago when I began this journey of letting go of everything and living in a suitcase and backpack. At the very end, it’s a matter of just getting it out of the house and dealing with the remnants later.

My last night there for some reason it was necessary for me to do a through cleaning and I had to be sure that all of the lights were working with two light bulbs in each fixture. (I now see that I needed to be sure that I needed to leave “The Light” behind and 2 representing balance of the masculine and feminine, which was this house.)

As I awoke this AM, the last time I would awake in my old bedroom, I looked at the only original door on the house. When we were putting in new doors, I just couldn’t bear to let this old beauty go. I remembered my dad buying a door for the bathroom which had only a shower curtain over it and the new beautiful front door with the oval shaped beveled leaded glass in it and my resistance to it all.

Many years have passed and much healing was present for me in this sacred place. I met the new owners, something that I hadn’t wanted to do. While I knew that selling this house was in Divine Order, like I can sometimes do, I was still holding on and resisting, saying one thing but I definitely had my brakes on. I was to meet the mother who was buying this house for her daughter and 2 year old grand daughter. I knew it was in alignment with my intentions of this property.

As I walked out the front door for the last time, I remembered thinking how I resisted buying my new car. I had such trouble seeing myself bigger and in a lovely car. I had done the same thing with the woman who was buying my car for her grandson. I said yes but put up many roadblocks. Finally, I explained to her how hard this was for me. The next day when she brought the cash for the car, she also brought a bouquet of flowers and a thank you note which read, “By your willingness to move forward in your life, allows my grandson the same opportunity. Thank You.” I knew that was the case for this house as well.

Before I left, I had bought a cupid angel and a heart picture frame with gold trim on it and a card that was in black and white. It was a scene from the Wizard of Oz, with Toto and his basket and Dorothy’s red shoes...which were sparking red and inside it read, “Welcome to your new home!”

My friend and I began our journey back to Arizona down Hwy 49 which equals a 4 (angel support and continued our journey on Hwy 99 which equals 9 (completion). We had many options when leaving and I found it interesting when I noticed the roads we chose.

I’m not saying it was easy but I am saying I know it was right for me in this moment. The tears are flowing but I mostly think they’re tears of awe, thanksgiving and love for the shelter and opportunities this property has provided for me. And it is with deep gratitude in my heart that I say AHO...a Native American term with many meanings, for me...a heart felt Thank you! And So it Is.....

Saturday, October 29

THE END OF THE MAYAN CALENDAR (AS SOME SEE IT)



Today is the first day of the New Ancient Times (Oct 29).....as I refer to it! Yesterday was the end of the Mayan calendar, as some see it.

Just like when the New Year comes along, many of us take a bit of time to reflect on things that we want to do differently in the future. I think this is the perfect time to take time to do such an inventory.

Reflection: How do I want to live, move, grow (personally) in these very rich energies? What do I need to let go of and what do I want to create, draw to me?

The Invitation
To begin to live consciously with full intent in everything that I do.
For me: Stop holding on (to old ideas, thoughts and behaviors) stop controlling – let go and enjoy the ride! (In ALL areas of my life...including sex...including love....)

The Songs that have been with me on this vision quest as I close the door for me at The Riverbend Retreat House in Grass Valley, CA.

SAY GOODBYE TO ALL YOU SEE TO ALL YOU SEE WITH THESE EYES....FEEL YOUR HEART BEGIN TO HEAL....BECOME THE LIGHT YOU ARE and YOU MUST GIVE YOURSELF TO LOVE….IF LOVE IS WHAT YOU’RE AFTER….OPEN UP YOUR HEART TO THE TEARS AND LAUGHTER….

Interesting - I've spent the past two days in my little retreat house, sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor (with my traveling pillow:) I've had the opportunity to be with my spiritual support in ceremony, consciously letting go of this part of my life, a time of intense personal work and healing...and the gift of this sacred space that was given to me, left by my dad (for the healing of the feminine) for this period of time. But now it’s time to pass the torch to the next two generations of feminine healing as a young mother and her two year old daughter will be living on this sacred land.

I signed the papers for the removed contingency on the Riverbend Retreat House yesterday, the end of the Mayan Calendar at 5:55PM....Major changes being supported by the Universe....The price, while not what I thought it was worth, yet add up to the number 8 which is in direct alignment with the initiation that I received from Spirit, while on the table at my shaman’s. (8 the complete balance of the masculine and feminine energies and know thatl abundance is coming to you!) OK:)

Whatever your intentions are for yourself my friend.....I support, love and appreciate you in my life.

Thursday, October 27



(CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS POST)
When the lady I had been sitting with got off the plane at the LA stop one of the flight attendants sat down and said, “Wow, so you’re an author?” I showed him the books. We talked. Another flight attendant joined in about her sister. Then I was told about a conversation with the 3rd attendant and her smelling her deceased father’s cologne and she had wondered about it.

As soon as I was told the story, I felt her dad with me. He continued to be with me the entire flight. When we landed, I asked this young woman how her dad died and I wondered if he needed help crossing over or perhaps she couldn’t let him go. I asked for her permission and did a soul releasing, assuring her father that she and the family were fine, that he was loved and that he could continue on his journey. Then adding that it was safe and time for her to let her father move forward on his journey and she on hers. It’s not that he won’t be with you but from freedom and not bondage.

The pictures are of Baxter the therapy dog was a bridge to the next world – a psychopomp who lovingly eased others across the veil. (Meaning “guide of souls” in Greek, a psychopomp is a being, whether shaman, angel or animal, that provides safe passage to deceased souls.) See Baxter in action http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIrDbzoOxZc

PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION TO YOUR INTUITION



I had a speaking engagement at my Bishop friend’s retirement community in Sacramento. It had been scheduled previously and rescheduled for yesterday. It made no financial sense to keep this engagement but I knew I was going to go anyway. I had plans to leave Monday afternoon after meeting with the lady that I housesit for. (Side note: She wants me to stay until the house sells! Come and play!!)

By the time we were finished it didn’t feel time to leave. I’ll go Tuesday. I Got everything packed. Tuesday 3:30AM...."Why isn’t anything in the car...is this not the day to travel?” I asked myself. Back "in bed....5 minutes later...up again at the computer....”You don’t have to leave today....you can fly tomorrow!” (15 hour drive) Southwest, 6:45AM flight, no plane change/no layover and arriving in Sacramento at 10:10AM. My mentor had wished me 'safe travels and be gentle with yourself.' This was gentle! I pushed the button to purchase this $350 flight!! Back to bed and panty twist time! Are you kidding me? $350? I could have bought it several weeks ago for $89. "You didn’t know several weeks ago how you were getting there,” answered the wise parents inside. It’s over, done....back to sleep!

Got in the car the next AM to drive to Tucson and I thought, ‘I will miss the vision quest driving!'

29 people boarded the plane before me and no one picked either of the front rows. I always go to the back where there are vacant seats if the flight isn’t full. But this time....front and center! A little later, a lady came and sat next to the window. She revealed that she never sits in the front. We had an amazing visit. Her business of buying houses in the south of Tucson and renting them to Section 8 tenants and she has a property management company. (Which she will help me with if I want to reinvest) She has a condo on the beach in Mexico and is a Reiki Practitioner and massage therapist. We talked about my books, she gave me some contacts. Wow...glad I flew on this flight....(to be continued)

I help people, get clarity when I’m away…when I’m traveling….thank you for these people that have been put in my path….thank you for my living consciously, paying attention to my feelings….no it’s not time to go….rather than my head….it’s time to go….it will cost less…..$350 for the airplane ticket….the people….the energy….the experience…..PRICELESS!

Monday, October 24

SCORPIO MOON - PORTAL TO BOTH PLEASURE AND PAIN


I’m headed to Northern CA for a talk and some completion of life cycles (which I didn’t realize totally, until I read this month’s astrology from Simone.)

From her blog this month: The Scorpio New Moon opens a portal to experiencing both pleasure and pain. The Sun and Moon oppose Jupiter the seeker, exactly trine Pluto, god of death and rebirth (Scorpio’s ruling planet). With Mercury and Venus also joined in Scorpio, it’s an unparalleled time to solve long-standing problems, find answers to riddles, heal old wounds and probe beneath the surface to find life’s deeper meaning.

I’ve had some amazing highs and pretty bad funks since I began speaking in Sept. I now understand a bit better and as I head to the Riverbend Retreat House in GV....possibly for the last time....I will do ceremony around gratitude for the beginning of my healing on this sacred land and for the many who also took refuge there. I will set new intentions and end up releasing anything, any old beliefs anything that keeps me stuck energetically there. I’ll do this on Wed, the New Moon....(Interesting timing that I had no idea about when I booked this talk.) I will also find out if the buyers are going to buy the house or pull out on that day. (Which I also hadn’t planned.) At which time I will be giving the RR House a face lift and rent her out.

The point is, your life. Are there past things you’d like to move forward from? This is the time. Oct. 26 - Nov 21...time to pay attention....recognize the panty twists for what they are...letting go of things that no longer serve your highest good.....

Simone’s blog had many more interesting things including how to do a releasing ceremony if you’re interested. http://astroalchemy.com/the-shadow-and-the-psychopomp Happy letting go -

Wednesday, October 5

TEDDY’S COMING TO PLAY! (FROM IRELAND)




Teddy’s coming to play!
My best playmate!
He’s always up for anything! He always says YES!....to life to living to having fun!
Teddy has lived his entire 60 years in a small Irish Village and when he comes out to play....we have FUN! He will be the first to dance, sing....with no images to uphold.

Our time together always just unfolds....we generally don’t make plans.

Tues - Went for lunch in Tucson and got our books into 2 book stores....very exciting.....then Travetti’s the neighborhood ‘Cheers’ bar.....out for the Night Sky...which ended up being a graduation and initiation.....the weather is cooling off...fall is in the air....We had plans to drive to Grass Valley and repaint the lovely cottage...but it’s back in escrow....so today, we’ll head up to the the beautiful house in the mountains, (while I clean:) and then a hike along the river......

Tuesday, October 4

THE SAGA OF THE RIVERBEND RETREAT HOUSE CONTINUES


The house, clear as mud….in this moment…..as soon as I hit the ‘publish’ button on the blog….already I began spinning with questions and what if’s...

The not trusting came back in full force…..what to do…..recognize….stop and breathe……You were clear in this moment…..that’s all you have to know…..it felt right….the body said it was right….it’s your fucking mind that gets in the way.

I told the realtor, you’re not going to like what I decided. He said that he was jus the mediator. I said (mostly for my own benefit) ‘This wasn’t decided from a knee jerk reaction or a place of resistance. I gave it a lot of thought and I did a lot of personal work around it.

2 things….When all is said and done, I will get $10,000, which I know isn’t any concern of yours, but $6,000 is a lot of money to me. and 2nd, I’m totally confident in the work that was performed….nothing was added, only things were fixed.” He wanted to counter the buyers with the $146,000 pricing….I said yes…..not because I felt pressured or because I didn’t want to back down from what I had said about wanting $150,000 to sell, but because I felt into it and it felt right.

I also said that I didn’t want to wait for 3 days for an answer, as I was planning to come up to paint and put gravel in the front and I needed to begin heading up. So by 5PM today....we’ll know the fate of the Riverbend Retreat House.....in this moment of course!

One hand, it will be nice to be finished…..on the other….the opportunities for growth remains and the journey continues……Hmmmmm, I wonder....What’s around the Riverbend???

Monday, October 3

I CONSCIOUSLY LET GO OF MY LAST SECURITY…and it came back to me.



Before the Riverbend Retreat House hit the MLS....a buyer came along and I was offered full asking price. (Which was about $15,000 over what the price comparisons were.) Within 2 weeks the buyers changed their minds. The house went back on the market and now I have an offer for $140,000, accompanied by lots of panty - twisting, spinning in chaos and what if’s.

The knee-jerk reaction of NO WAY (which I quickly recognized) gave way to space for me to be with whoever inside was not feeling comfortable with this. I didn’t even respond to the realtor and I needed time.I got on my table, breathed and asked the question. "Who is not feeling good about this?” It was who I affectionately refer to as The Brat...the little one who can run the show if given half a chance. I took the time to be with her and asked her what she was not feeling good about....The tears began to flow, she said, “They always get what THEY want!” Anything else I asked. "I don’t trust realtors!” (Actually the issue is she doesn’t trust anyone...including herself!)

Being the weekend, I had a couple of days to work my way through this part of my life’s journey. What would I learn? How would I become a bit more healed, a little more whole or conversely, how would I abandon myself, saying yes when I meant NO?

I spent several days with her, loving her, reassuring her that the wise parents (inside me also) (sounds like Sybil huh!) have heard her and value what she had to say. The wise masculine went directly to ‘figuring out the pros and cons’ while the wise feminine took the time to breathe and feel into how her body was feeling....

I pulled an angel card....The Time Is Not Now.....could mean anything...what did it mean to me? The journey isn’t over....Don’t say YES unless that is exactly what you mean! What is it that you will accept in this situation? BE CRYSTAL CLEAR!

Remembering a couple of conversations this past week, I applied them to my life....1. Give someone a fish and they eat for a day, teach them to fish, they eat for a lifetime.....The house....sell it....you have money for today....rent it....you have (the potential) for money a lifetime. 2. Stop seeing The Lovely Riverbend Retreat House as a burden and begin to see and love it again, like you used to, appreciating it AS THE GIFT THAT IT IS!

BEING CRYSTAL CLEAR.....WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WILL ACCEPT IN THIS SITUATION? I WILL ACCEPT $150,000 FOR THE RIVERBEND RETREAT HOUSE or I WILL ACCEPT A LOVELY ARTIST IN LIFE’S TRANSITION TO RENT MY BEAUTIFUL HOME, LOVING AND TAKING CARE OF IT AS IF IT WERE THEIR OWN! THEY WILL HAVE JOY AND GRATITUDE IN THEIR HEART EACH MONTH THEY WRITE THE CHECK AND PUT IT IN MY ACCOUNT ON THE FIRST WITH JOY! THE GIFT OF THE RIVERBEND RETREAT HOUSE BRINGS SPACE FOR HEALING FOR ALL WHO ENTER FROM THE INSIDE OUT!

What do you have to do now? Claim back my space....stop being a victim. Stop apologizing for having an inferior product to sell. I’m going to reclaim and rededicate the Riverbend Retreat House by holding a ceremony either long distance or on site, burning sage, calling upon Spirit, asking St. Michael to protect it and all who come there and St. Raphel to stay present for healing....And this my friends....will be a journey however it turns out. If someone buys it for $150,000 they are the ones who are to benefit from the sacred space. But now at least I am confident in whatever happens.

But the real piece for me....I heard the little one who was uncomfortable, listened and found my center once again....

Sunday, October 2

GRASSHOPPER IN THE HOUSE PLANT! – ARE YA KIDDIN ME?



I came home from being away for a bit and I noticed under my palm plant in the living room were a lot of black things….looked like little poops! Hmmmm, I didn’t know Palm Plants shed like that….but I’m no plant expert! So for several weeks, whenever I came home, I’d vacuum up the mess under the plant.

While working in the garden, I began trimming the bushes and I noticed that the grasshoppers could be very still and camouflage right in with the plants. For some reason that day, I went in and really looked at the plant and sure enough…1 little grasshopper has been living, eating and pooping….for weeks, unnoticed! Amazing!! How in the world did he find his way into the house and onto the plant? Well, certainly, I couldn’t vacuum him up! I managed to scoot the HEAVY plant outside and flicked him into the garden.

Stunned, I heard him say, “What the heck?” as he tried coming to his senses, shaking off his apparent nightmarish experience. He’d been thrown out from his apparent 5 star resort….food, water and housekeeping, where he had managed to free load for quite sometime!

(Look closely at the picture to see him and what is left from my plant! PS...he is cute! :)