Friday, April 29

YOU HAVE TO GROW INTO THE NEW YOU



Seeing yourself bigger is hard. I would say it is the hardest part of the process, however, it is all hard work, make no mistake about it. Very few are born into who they were meant to become. Remember, it’s The Journey of the Soul.
Here I am, ten years into conscious living and I had set the intention that after I had gotten back from my last trip to Switzerland and Ireland that it felt like I would be ready to have a place to ground for awhile. The paper I had written on my altar read, “I want a lovely place to live and work.” Before I left on my trip, a house sitting job appeared. It was a beautiful authentic Spanish style hacienda with the most charming veranda and gardens. The first thing that I thought as I walked into the stunning courtyard, was retreat space! Now, I was thinking about retreat space for others, but so far, it has been retreat space for myself.
When I first saw the place, I was trying to decide if I would live in the guesthouse or the main house. When the furniture to furnish the main house appeared, I knew that I was to stay in there. My first day, I felt like goldilocks. The main house was too big, the guesthouse was too small, the master bedroom was just right (very large in itself! But there was coziness to it. It seemed like the main house was for retreats and guesthouse was for guests. I had to grow into where I was to live for the next 8 months. As lovely as the guesthouse was, it was familiar. I knew the size and I knew I could live there easily. But the furniture arrived for the big house. There could be no mistake that this was the space that was intended for my use. OK…I’ll have to grow myself into it! Expand!
While explaining my dilemma to a friend, she told me the story of when she bought her new, full size luxury car. She had been wanting an Acura and yet when she received it, she couldn’t drive it for the longest time. She kept driving her husband’s little Toyota pick-up. She had to grow herself into her new luxury space.
Remember that there is a time for everything, many different cycles in life. There is a time for contracting, going inward, living in a cocoon like space. But then, there will come a time when we have to grow ourselves, just as we had to allow our God to grow from our second grade image that we had of Him.
When the time is right, when it’s time for expansion, we will need to grow ourselves into bigger physical spaces as they are presented to us.
Growing the images that we have of ourselves, seeing ourselves bigger, who we were created to be, sharing our passions and the gifts that we were given to contribute to the greater good of the whole, for the highest good of all sentient (conscious) beings, is tough work. We are continually evolving, changing, growing and expanding!
I was constantly writing down, “Who am I today?” What layers have I shed? What has healed? Who am I becoming?

Monday, April 11

PERCEPTIONS

Once again, people’s different perceptions comes into my awareness. We all have our own ideas of words, places and things.

For example: Recently I was driving to Las Vegas to move some furniture and transfer cars. However, whenever I told anyone that I was going to Las Vegas, well, you can imagine the comments! Most of them were of hooping it up, gambling, drinking, shows and “Whatever happens in Las Vegas, stays in Las Vegas...kind of attitude!” Even the man at the gas station only 2 hrs from Las Vegas, made such comments. Now the reality was that we were moving furniture, cleaning and organizing. Not quite the same picture is it.

The same was true about my recent Vision Quest, in Switzerland/Ireland. It was thought of by most as a vacation. It was definitely not! It takes conscious awareness, staying present in every moment, to move through a walkabout. Just to mention that I was there for St. Patrick’s Day brought up many different, Mardi Gras, like comments. It’s not how it was for me at all, but that was the general thought that most others had of my trip in general. Living in the moment, I was in regular panty twists, where am I going, how am I going to get there, where will I be staying, missing at times, the familiarity of where I had just left.

I thought back to a job a couple of years ago. I had told the owner that I was computer literate. I was from my viewpoint. I could do most anything that I needed to and what I couldn’t figure out, I would ask. Several months into the job, it was brought to my attention that I had possibly fabricated a bit about my computer expertise. I listened to the concerns. I thought about it and realized that I was computer literate from my experience. However, this was a younger woman, an electronic wiz, I was used to a PC, we were using Apples, and so to her, it looked like I didn’t know anything, to me, it felt like someone had put a demon in the computer. Things were just enough different that I felt like I didn’t know anything.

NEW DIGS IN TUBAC, AZ (Come visit!)


After being on the road for the past 8 weeks, I’m finally relatively settled in my new digs. I’ll be in Tubac AZ until Jan. and living in the moment, I’ll just enjoy my time here. I understand that the desert is most beautiful in April and May and the monsoons, rain and electrical shows are spectacular around July and August. I’m excited to experience this. My main focus of course is to try and stay focused so that I can finish the next book, GPS For Living and trying not to get my panties too much in a twist as I continue to evolve.

As I think back, I’m pretty amazed at the fact that while I was in such a state over leaving the bed behind in Chicago, I didn’t have to spend one day in this beautiful retreat space house, without furniture or a bed. When I arrived last Sunday, I went to an estate sale and acquired, brand new (looking) couch, loveseat, chair, ottoman, king size bed, complete with lovely bedding, including the pillows and mattress pad, 2 bar stools, 2 end tables for $600. Keeping in the theme with my learning self care, I had to receive this gift but then I justified it. Well, that comes to only $65 a month until Jan.

Later in the week, my daughter’s friend gave us, a queen bed, dining room table and hutch, couch, coffee tables and end tables. I was surprised that he was getting rid of these things. When I first saw his home, I thought that he had just remodeled.

Of course, I began the process of chastising myself, “If you would have just waited, you wouldn’t have had to spend money on the first furniture.

Ah, but then I became clear. What I have learned is not to stop the flow of Energy, just because I don’t understand it.

So on second thought, if the furniture is coming, Riverbend Treat House (Grass Valley, CA) must be expanding to Tubac, AZ.

It will be interesting to watch things unfold.

Sunday, April 10

SHIFTING INTO THE 2ND HALF OF LIFE...TAKES MANY TRIES


While a lot has happened since my last entry and I’m trying to write in the blog, the topic of Shifting into the 2nd Half of Life living, keeps popping in my head, so I’m going to take a little side trip here.

A friend and I were speaking about a relationship of mine and when I returned from my recent Vision Quest, the relationship had changed. (Change is good) I said, it felt like my friend had put their foot on the path of shifting and in my absence, with no support in the 2nd Half of Life living, they ran back to what was familiar. (I actually find this is very common with the people that I work with.) It takes many attempts to stay on the journey.I too personally know how easy it is to cling to the familiar, to old patterns, beliefs and relationships. I know the difficulty of letting go of something in order for something new to appear.

Many times we want to keep the bird in the hand, even if it’s pecking at us, before we are willing to let go for another to arrive. It’s fear of the unknown, what if what I have is better than what is out there? What if nothing else appears? At least what I have is better than having nothing....or is it? ( Well, at the very least, it’s diversion for helping us to not have to spend time with ourselves.)

She was explaining to me that while many are invited to enlightenment, not so many of us stay on the path. She began to tell me a little story of a man seeking the teaching of a Guru. The Guru took the man into the water and held his head under water until the man felt like he was going to drown....the Guru then pulled his head back out of the water and the man gasped for air. The Guru did this to the man 2 more times. The 3rd time the Guru gave the man air, the man felt like he was going to die. The Guru simply said, “When you want enlightenment as much as you want air, come and see me!”

It is not an easy journey, but it is the journey that we’ve all been invited to. We have to examine our beliefs: Are they true for me or are they just things that someone else told me were true. Our relationships: Are they giving me life? Am I being co-dependent in them, thinking someone needs me and so I stay.

Is my life happy and full of joy? Am I feeling dissatisfied? Anxious? Confused?

I ask myself a couple of questions when I begin to feel these feelings: (I have a complete self evaluation paper if you’re interested, just email me, or if you’d like to

1. What would I do if I weren’t afraid?
2. What would I do if it weren’t about money? About time?
3. Would I have regrets later in life if I didn’t do it? If I did do it?

LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, LIFE IS A BANQUET AND MOST POOR SOULS ARE STARVING! Courtesy of Auntie Mamme

Remember, this is YOUR life, you own it to no one! Something a priest said to me when I was in the beginning of my Shift...Did you ever think your’e giving the others the opportunity to grow, rather than you’ve deserted them?

What is keeping you stuck? What is sucking the life out of you? What in your life is not bringing you joy, peace and harmony?

Saturday, April 2

FIRST BOOK SIGNING FOR EVERYBODY WANTS TO GO TO HEAVEN....JUST NOT NOW!



Continuing on our journey across the midwest to AZ, we stopped in St. Louis to see a cousin I had never met. He had contacted me while I was in Ireland, saying that he was visiting my aunt and had read the book I had sent to her. We had a lovely visit.

Moving quickly onward, we had a very short visit with my other Aunt and Uncle and cousin in Kansas City.( I was due in Arizona by the first of April.) My cousin had told me about a devotional group that was meeting weekly at my Aunt’s retirement community each week. They were using my book as a guide for conversation and wanted to meet the author.

I was very touched to see about 15 women (and 1 man!) gathered for this weekly event.Tears began to well up in my eyes when I heard one 101 year old lady reply with enthusiasm to the group, when the facilitator asked about death, “IT’S JUST TRANSITION!!”

All of the resources that it took in writing this book, the time, the energy, the money, the research, the support from many others, etc. made it all worthwhile for me to have heard this women, obviously close to this life’s final transition, understand that life continues on ceaselessly, even after the body is gone! We are eternal beings and part of eternity is, RIGHT NOW!....

Because of my Aunt, Uncle and cousin, I had my first book signing in the midwest, the place where I was born. I wondered, had I been on these adventures in life in order to bring ‘home’ information to my clan?

No matter why I live this life style that some think is a bit odd, it feels right to me. I leave Las Vegas today, leaving my daughter behind and continue with my Vision Questing in AZ, (at least until Jan.1), finishing my next book, GPS for Living.

Happy trails.....