Friday, February 7

We Plan and God Laughs

Remember the ropes course I did a few weeks back? Well, it seems like it's time to put the theory into practice. Letting go of what's holding you back…(the rope you're desperately holding onto)…perceived security... in order to move forward towards your dream.

The truth is….is what I'm doing now…working for a spa…moving me closer to my goal of speaking? No. Period. The answer is no. There's the hope that it would turn into something else, but the answer for now is clearly no.

I've been offered an opportunity to move in with my dear friend and help with his transition, what I do and am good at. Why would I say no? When I remember that I'm on assignment, that I work for Spirit and that I am free to move where the doors open, then the answer would clearly be yes. I go in support of helping others in transition. It's what I've chosen. So why am I panty-twisting?

Second guessing myself? In a retreat I'm currently facilitating, it's clearly about the journey. Why is this different? Because I had in my mind...the way my life should look….conjured up in my head…and now…it's not working the way that I thought it should…Who Cares? Me…my being perceived as someone who can't hold a job…etc…my own self judgments. Now even though this move is a better financial move and one that will help me to get this third book finished and published, I still judge myself.

"What about your cousins and daughter coming to see you? That'll be over! What about, what about, what about?" I continue with my mind-fuck. "You're apartment and the city and and and.." All illusions. We plan and God laughs.

Why, just two days ago, I spent time….a lot of time…looking at houses to buy downtown and fix up and live in. It would be easy to qualify for a loan with a 'job'! Now???

"Get out of your head and into your body,"my shaman reminds me. "Breathe….feel into it….not what you're thinking, but what you're feeling….And what feels right is that I work for Spirit and free to be on assignment. Period. And everything else is just stuff….