I had to laugh during a recent visit with my 83-year old aunt whom I hadn't seen in over a year. With the innocence of a child, she blurted out, You got fat!
I reflected back to the writing of my now published, third book, A Year in a Suitcase. As I read back in my journals I had written about my astonishment to the fact that my weight had risen to new heights! During this time, I weighed more than when I delivered any one of my four children! Really? How could that be? How could I have let that happen…. to me?
Like many women, I had been weight conscious and even athletic in my younger years. It wasn’t until my life began to shift in a direction that I was unfamiliar with and all I could do, literally, was to remind myself to wake up and breathe through each moment. I didn’t care about anything else. I couldn’t care about anything else! When I finally began to emerge from The Dark Night of the Soul… I was in disbelief. Was this really my body? Oh how it had changed. I became a bit more aware and conscious of what I was putting in my mouth but I still wasn’t motivated to do much else about it.
While away on a trip, a book caught my attention. It was taken of brave women showing their tastefully exposed naked bodies. The title…. This is Who I Am…. I instantly knew that I would like to make a book titled…. This is My Body…. it is NOT Who I am!
My aunt had given me a gift, an opportunity to take another look at accepting myself exactly how I am. Can I love me… every inch of me without judgment? Can I be in choice? Can I consciously decide what I put into my mouth and enjoy it without guilt? Can I enjoy what I choose to put into my mouth without making excuses or punishing myself at a later date using the excuse, I ate/drank too much. When I get home… I have to fast/run…whatever punishment seems appropriate!
Certainly I want to be as healthy and look as good as possible. However, it seems as important to accept, love and make peace with me… exactly how I am.