Learning to love myself… every inch… exactly how I am in any given moment didn't come easy… and it's still an on-going challenge.
A few years ago I lived in beautiful spanish style home that was completely secluded in southern Arizona. Because the summer's are so hot and I didn't have the funds to use the air conditioner, it gave me an opportunity to practice loving me… all of me on a daily basis.
I quickly found out that if you don't use artificial cooling and you don't wear clothes… you weren't hot. So that summer I spent in the nude.
And there I was… in my face… all day… ME! ALL of ME! For me to see… and experience the judgments that I had developed over the years about myself and my body.
And then… I even took it one step further. I told my daughter… "I'd watch porn, but I'm afraid I'll die and you children will find it on my computer!" She assured me that it was more popular than my little conservative mind could imagine and gave me a site to explore.
This was a short lived experiment for me, but it was very revealing. I could witness my resistance and explore my childhood abuse issues from another view point. But mostly what it did for me, was to see the bodies of other women and see that I wasn't any different… better or worse… than any of them. I had the same parts and they were being loved (perception) exactly how they were. Could I do the same for myself?
So when my aunt blurted out last week You got fat! (Previous post) It was a gift. Simply an opportunity to see how I felt about it. Yes… I had gained weight… now that it was said out loud and I wasn't offended or hurt, I wondered if I could explore another avenue of being conscious and in choice about how I want to move forward in my life. Whatever I decide to do in the future… eat… exercise… or not…. can I do it consciously? That's my next plan!
We plan and God laughs!
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