I am in Buena Park where I have the honor to be the greeter for the guest speakers for the annual symposium of the international organization, NAET. (Nambudripad’s Allergy Elimination Technique)
On the long drive over from Arizona, my daughter and I were listening to a book on CD, The Golden Compass. There was one interaction between a little girl around the age of 8 and her ‘Uncle’ that keeps coming back to my mind. (I don’t think her was her real Uncle, however he was a man of ‘authority' where she lived.
I picture her living in a place like my professor priest friend in Ireland, a very cool old facility that was built way back when. (Like the pictures above.)
She somehow was left there with all of these scholars (men of authority), to live and be raised. She only had one fellow playmate and that was the little boy who helped in the kitchen.
The part that keeps coming back to me, is when she was exploring the grounds and she was being questioned by her Uncle. She was a brave little girl and said what was on her mind. (Which I admire!) However, Uncle didn’t like it and stopped her in her tracks, adding in a gruff voice, “Not another word or I shall be angry!”
Crap! I often wonder in my life “So what happens when they get angry?” I remember back as a child do everything that I could in order not to make my parents, especially my dad, angry! Man, the power they had!!
As I’m working through emotional healing and codependency issues, I now witness how others (and myself, still :-( ) can use passive-aggressive behavior to manipulate and get things the way we want, without ever saying it!
Just recently I was on the phone with a friend. We had a discussion the previous evening which was good, but obviously not resolved on their part. As we spoke about something for ETL, I felt the shortness and curtness of the conversation. I knew that this person had more to say, but couldn’t say it and so they did this behavior, which didn’t feel nice.
I have done enough personal work to not let it go. (Like I would have in the past and just pouted about it.)
When I noticed the conversation not feeling nice, I just said, “I’ll talk to you later.” But then I realized what was happening and I I called back and asked if there was anything that was unresolved from our last conversation?
I was told, “No, after I thought about what you said, I realized that you were right!” I hate that answer! (Another codependent behavior!) I don’t want to be right. In fact, I’m not right. I just gave another viewpoint for consideration.
It reminded me of the conversation of the little girl and her Uncle. “Not another word or I shall be angry!” It reminded me of my life totally! Being a recovering codependent, I now know that codependents will do and say anything not to make you angry. We are shock absorbers for everyone else, which is not our job, by the way!!!
I guess after reflecting on this little conversation that keeps popping in my head is just an opportunity for me to check in with myself, seeing what it is that I believe, want and need and then communicating that in a crystal clear way so that others can understand. And not letting any ‘authority’ try to scare me into silence. Boy, do I still have a lot of work to do!!
Happy beginning of the weekend!!!
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