Monday, January 7

FINDING MY PATH


This morning is the first day in a long time that I am by myself (in my friends home in AZ), alone with just me and my thoughts and frankly I'm not too happy about it! I've managed to stay so busy (old patterning) that I didn't have to spend anytime with me!

This alone time gives neglected feelings the space to surface. A song starts playing on my iPod...This is what you wanted...though it isn't what you planned...it feels like my life is slipping away and I wonder why I stay on this crazy journey of following the energetic flow that I have chosen for myself. I can choose to make a change at any time. Why don't I conform? Get a job! The tune continues...You're not dying....you're soul just can't keep up with the band. (W.W.J.B.D. Only Good Thoughts Can Stay by Jared Mees & The Grown Children)

Beginning to doubt myself I begin wondering, "Is it time to settle down?" I was listing for my friends the opportunities that have presented themselves to me as means of financial support. Since I've been here, I've applied for a job at the local recreational center, the presbyterian church and a high end spa in Tucson. I've applied for a job in Grass Valley and now a job has been offered to me in Orange County, CA.

What would I do if it wasn't about money? I'd stay on the road. "Doing what?" you may wonder. "I actually don't know, just following the energetic flow."

Several years back I met a lady here in AZ and I saw her again last night and she told me that literally, I saved her life. I was traveling through the area with my friend in her motorhome and we had a conversation that evening where I evidently had asked her a pointed question. "So, do you feel like you've had enough pain now and are ready to make a change?" I don't remember what was happening in her life at the time, however she must have made the necessary changes because she looked pretty happy.

What keeps me doing what I'm doing? Knowing that we can serve with what we have, where we are at any given moment. Which path to choose doesn't actually matter, they all lead to growth.  I continue the search for my path, wondering which fork in the road to take, watching for signs and support still learning to trust, let go and receive (read more in my books) along the way!

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