As the papers for the final signing of the Riverbend Retreat house arrived....I put them on my desk and did the Scarlet O’Hara thing....”I can’t think about that today...if I do, I’ll just go crazy....I know....I’ll think about it tomorrow!” Well, quite a few tomorrows have passed and they are still sitting there.....Now....what is the resistance?
After spending time with a healer I see when I’m in town, the questions came.....What keeps me in bondage? How is holding on (to the familiar) serving me? I’ve been working on beginning to ‘live in my body’ and feel...what I’m feeling! In order to trust what I know...I have to feel....(Talk, trust and feel are areas in my life that I continue to heal.)
It was easy for me to identify that while owning a home for some is security, for me it’s bondage. I know that in my head, why I can’t I feel that in my body? Why can’t I sign the dang papers!
Again, how does hanging onto the house serve me? After many hours......It keeps me scattered, ungrounded, distrusting what I know. It serves the the wounds....”You didn’t do it right, you didn’t get a good enough price, you’re ungrateful!”
Hmmmm, the house is a place for the wounds to hide....certainly they don’t want me to get rid of their little secret place to breed. I wondered, what would happen when I get rid of one of their little hiding places? The wise parts of me do know that the way to move forward for me is to free myself from the last physical tie to the past.
Next question: Can I totally let go? While people, places and things don’t define us....I’m tied a bit to the idea of being a California Girl....What I also know, until I am willing to trust and let go....I will remain stuck. Because I don’t understand because I can’t se the bigger picture, will I stop the flow of energy because I can’t trust....ME?
Not this time anyway... My cousin, P3 came, sat with me while I signed the papers on 11.11.11.
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