There are many times that a friend or loved one asks us to listen. To simply be a witness to their life’s journey.
There are many times that I do not just LISTEN. Wanting to save others (rescue) the many years of pain and therapy that I went through figuring out my life I sometimes forget that part of the process of each of our individual journeys involves figuring out things for ourselves. Learning what works and what doesn’t and many times that simply comes from the school of hard knocks. (Experience)
At times talking is how we begin to unwind the questions in our heads. When I ask you to hear me, I don’t want you to diminish my feelings or try to fix whatever it is that I’m telling you. All I’m asking is that you give me support and permission to feel what I feel.
I know from experience that when 'You do something for me, you prevent me from finding my own strength and power.’
And as far as giving me your unsolicited advice, I can get free advice in the local newspaper for 50 cents and that would include both Billy Graham and Dear Abby!
Several years back, I crashed my dad’s van and I called him to let him know what happened. The response I received was less than desirable. I understood his reaction to the accident was how he was trying to deal with his fear that something really serious could have happened to not only his van, but to it’s precious cargo....my daughter and me.
What that incident taught me was to ask two questions when any one had a problem. 1. Are you OK? 2. What can I do to help?
LISTEN to what they are feeling and how they are going to solve their problem, without trying to fix it or give unsolicited advice.
I have still have trouble at times, just listening....I know it’s part of the problem solving process and recovering from codependency tendencies, I still have a need to make the lives of others, better and less painful.
So the next time that you ask me to listen to what’s on your mind, I promise to try hard to do just that....I’M ALL EARS!!
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