Recently I told a friend this, about his sister. “I love working for her. There is never any question where you stand with her. She’s very clear in her communication about what she wants, there is no guessing involved.” His reply caught my attention. “Yes, but she doesn’t have any relationships either.”
Hmmm. He is equating honest communication with not being able to have a relationship.
For the first time, I understood this. In my 30 year marriage, I wasn’t honest. I didn’t want to make waves or say anything that may have made my husband unhappy. (He might leave. Certainly these were unconscious thoughts at the time.)
I now understand that in communicating what is best for me helps others to do what is best for them.
When I do what is best for me, others can see clearer, what is best for them as their options narrow. Conversely, when others do what is best for them, then I can more easily see what path is best for me….as my options narrow.
It’s such a gift to each other when we can be honest. Certainly, there can be an initial ‘sting’ when we are clear, however, I can assure you, that it goes away much quicker than not being honest. We say, “We don’t want to hurt their feelings.” (It’s OK to hurt our feelings). I assure you, just like a splinter, pulling it out quickly may have an initial sting to it, but it hurts worse the longer it’s allowed sit and fester. The longer we go without saying whatever it is that we need to say, the more painful it becomes in the end.
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