THE MIDDLE OF NOWWHERE, BETWEEN LIVING AND DYING!

The day before he passed on to his new life, he sat in a small blue upholstered rocking chair next to his bed. When I arrived around 8am as I was in charge of the day watch, I walked into his sun lit room and said “Good Morning, Pop,” and before he even said hello, the most profound thing I ever heard him say came flying out of his mouth, “Waiting to die is Bullshit!” I burst out laughing and said “I couldn’t agree with you more Pop!” (One of the only things we ever agreed on!)

Some months before, five to be exact, I had made a trip to visit my dad and it was quite by accident, that I found out my dad’s long held secret. It wasn’t until I was leaving to come home and the Hospice nurse and Chaplin were arriving that I was confronted with the harsh realization that my dad was dying of renal failure.

My dad truly lived, in the middle of nowhere, all on his own, 15 miles and 39 curves from town, which he continued to drive daily, even though his eyesight and health were failing. He made this daily trip to remain a part of the community. Town is where the farmers went to shoot the bull and he would partake in one of his other favorite past times, teasing the young kids who worked at the neighborhood diner where he ate his one meal a day!

The nurses thought that he hadn’t much time left on this earth and so they convinced him to go to California to visit his family, “just for the holidays.” Reluctantly he agreed but decided to leave his dog Freckles, behind, his one true friend, the one who knew and loved him like no other. However, he of course had a strategy. He knew that he would have to return home if he left his best friend there.

Several weeks passed, the holidays came and went, and we sent for Freckles to join my dad in California, where he continued to wait patiently, with Rufus at the foot of his bed. Well, to be honest, he only waited patiently because there was no choice in the matter, but nevertheless, he waited for the time to come when the waiting would be over.

My dad and I had read several books together, we talked about what to expect as the time to leave his body drew closer. We both had issues resolved, past hurts healed, misunderstandings illuminated and he finally learned to let go and receive the care and love that his family had to offer him.

The middle of nowhere, besides being in rural part of the country, for me has become that place between life and death, that place where the veil is so thinly placed, a person has one foot on each side of the bridge to crossing over; one foot on earth and one foot in heaven, which is exactly where my dad was. He would get upset because he would “see things,” on both sides of the veil. He would be mad at me if I said I could see the things that he was talking about when really I couldn’t. I think it made him feel like he was going crazy, not really understanding that he was simply in the middle of nowhere…limbo as it were, midway between here and there…just waiting.

My dad’s “crossing over” experience was the most beautiful of any I’ve participated in. He was totally aware of what was happening all the way until he breathed his last breath. I had been asking him for the past few weeks. ”Dad, have you seen anyone you know yet?” So when his eyes lit up, I knew he had seen someone. His tongue was thick and he wasn’t able to speak even though I could tell he wanted to say something. “It’s ok, dad, just let go, and follow the Light,” and with that, he closed his eyes and he left is poor failing body.

It was an powerful thing to witness and true to his form, he left with a bang! Within minutes of his departing this life, a loud roar of thunder and sudden burst of lightening lit the sky! We all cheered as somehow we knew that he had made it past the middle of nowhere.

It seems to me that when a person gets to the point of no return in their life that it is definitely in the middle of nowhere. You already know it intellectually, that leaving the body behind is inevitable. But when you begin to feel it in your heart, and you realize there are no bargaining tools left in the bag. When you can’t say, “Stop…I’ve changed my mind, let me off this ride!” When there are no choices left to be made and there’s nothing left to do but to simply wait; a total surrendering with a knowing and a trust that we are all called to a place beyond…The Middle of Nowhere!!