I was at a point in my life that I was not allowing myself to receive any love or affection from any human being. I felt alone and isolated, angry and mad at the way my life was turning out! It absolutely was nothing that I had ordered! Wasn't God paying any attention to me? "Hey buddy", I screamed out one day to God, "Are you paying any attention....do you see what's happening down here!" Of course He was, and of course He knew...it was just different than I thought my life was going to look at age 50! Holy crap! 50! Aren't we supposed to be grandmas rocking the babies at age 50! Well the old 50's sitcom's on TV would have us believing that, I wasn't even married any longer, the children were all gone, my job was no longer my purpose in life... my life definitely didn't look like that of my friends or what I had thought it would be at age 50!
So I pulled away, from family, friends, etc and began a quest, a search for a new way of life, a new vision, a new purpose. It's been 8 years now, many adventures, many tears, a lot of kicking and screaming and staying in bed...to angry, depressed, mad...to even begin the day!
However during all this growing, there were also times of consoling from God, through his creation. I learned to be present in each and every moment, saying "yes" to what shows up, and I became sensitive to witness the support and love that God has sent my way, as unconventional as some may think.
On this particular day, I had written a note via email to a friend, that read, "Hi friend, I'm so happy to see that we are on the same wave length. I've been to the river a lot lately...45 minute walk, a goats path around the rocks, down a rope into a pool of water that is very secluded as the rocks are large and steep, an incredible canyon feeling...it feels like God has his arms around you there. I've felt the presence of the Divine in nature, but what was even more amazing to me; I took my friend to Vina, a retreat center,in Northern California and I spent several hours on the grounds myself before leaving. There was the most awe striking, magnificent, massive, Walnut tree with a beautiful slab stone bench underneath it which I laid upon, with my arms stretched out, opened wide,soaking up the majesty of this sacred tree. I felt humbled and privileged to be in the presence of such a glorious creation, who by the way has managed to survive, and flourish for over a 150years!
This selfless creation of God, reached down and gave me a hug. I felt more love and comfort from that tree than from any person. Tears began rolling down my cheeks, resting on the stone. I was once again reminded, we are all interconnected. We are all on this planet together. We all have a part in this life here on this earth together. When I was unable to receive love from anyone else, God used something I could understand, nature, his creation. Something non threatening to me and a place to begin to learn to receive and trust, I'd say, once again, but that isn't actually the case, to learn to receive and trust for the first time.
I later read from Francene Hart's Book Sacred Geometry a bit about trees. "Many cultures around the planet hold trees in reverence. Most cultures native to forested or jungle environments have elaborate myths surrounding the powers of trees. Some even considered them gods, or a means of traveling to the spirit world. Their names were many, Tree of Life, Tree of Knowledge, Tree of Perfection, World Tree. For the Maya, it is Raised Up Sky Tree.
All that is sweet, delightful and amiable in this world, in the serenity of the air, the fineness of seasons, the joy of light, the melody of sounds, the beauty of colors, the fragrancy of smells, the splendor of precious stones, is nothing else but Heaven breaking through the veil of this world, manifesting itself in such a degree and darting forth in such variety so much of its own nature. - William Law
Love and appreciate all that comes your way. From messy trees to bugs...anything you have a resistance to...that which you resist...will persist! I used to get irritated at all the pine cones that were dropping every where on my property! Until one day, I saw them as gifts, gifts of love from a tree that we were sharing the same space on this earth. Now with each pine cone I pick up, I send a heart felt "thank you" to the tree for it's sharing it's life's energy with me. After all, trees breath out what we need to breath in. How could I not be grateful for it's presence!
OK, so we didn't get to the manta ray's yet....absolute graceful angels of the sea! I'm going to try and put a clip on so you can experience it for yourself.....patience is a virtue:)
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