HOLIDAY - SELF-CARE - ASK...

This morning I was asking a friend for some advice on soliciting corporate sponsors to help finance the promotion of Self-Care Awareness Month, September each year.

We were discussing what to put in a letter and at the very end he added, "Ask for what you want." That question gave me pause for thought. "What is it that I do want," not only in my professional but personal life as well? Recently I read some statistics on why people made their last donation. Overwhelmingly, the answer was because they were asked to. Yes, that's right, simply because they were asked.

What do you suppose that we leave on the table in our own lives simply because we haven't mustered up the courage to ask? And beyond that, what do you suppose that we miss out on, in life because we don't know what it is to ask for?

Discovering what we want isn't such an easy task but asking for it can be even harder.

Many of us were taught that asking questions was impolite. And asking for something for ourselves was, well, I don't really know what the word is, it's worse than impolite, deplorable, that's it! It was deplorable for you to ask for something for yourself. You were viewed as being selfish or self-centered. Well, at least that was my upbringing. But it couldn't have just been mine as not asking for yourself was even depicted in the old movies. I remember one where the nuns weren't allowed to ask for the salt at dinner. They had to wait until someone noticed that they may possibly enjoy having the salt. Are you flippin kidding me? We can't ask, we're not allowed to ask. Or perhaps we just don't ask because we're afraid of the answer.

I had been struggling with this all summer... saying what I wanted to say.... asking questions I wanted answers to but didn't have the courage to ask. When I wrote in my journal, "If I ask, I have to much to loose." Then the answer simply wrote itself on the paper. "If you ask, possibly you have more to gain." Eventually I did ask and while the process wasn't easy to go through, I actually did have more to gain than loose in the situation.

I've come to a place in my life where any question is fair game... to anyone and visa versa. It's not that we have to answer every question posed to us or that we pose to another, but I feel like it is up to the person whom the question is being asked to set a boundary if they don't want to answer it. Otherwise, how will we know if we've left things that we wanted to know but were afraid to ask, out there in the void somewhere.

As the holidays grow ever so near, perhaps we could take some time to decide what it is that we want need or desire or what questions we want answers to... and then ask for it. Yes, it will take some courage. But like me, perhaps you'll have more to gain from asking than from not. If you don't ask, you won't know if it's even a possibility.

Alleviating Holiday Stress - Self-Care

Let’s begin this holiday season putting ourselves at the fore-front of everything that we do.

Yes, you read that correctly! I know, this doesn’t sound at all like holiday cheer does it? But how many times in the past have we said yes to something and then been mad or displayed passive/aggressive behavior…. “I’ll go… but unconsciously be witchy about it!” Or “I’ll do that…” but then give the silent treatment or cold shoulder to another. Let’s not do that this year.

We began September this year unveiling an awareness campaign of the extreme importance of Self-Care in our everyday lives. Taking care of ourselves is not really an option, it is our responsibility not only to ourselves but to our loved ones as well. We need to be sure that we’re in the best physical, mental and emotional health possible to ensure that we have the energy and resources to care for those we love. (Just not at the expense of our happiness and well-being.)

Let’s take this new found information into one of the most stressful times of the year… the holidays… where we can take on too much… say yes to too many things… and find ourselves not only frazzled but resentful as well.

What are some things that we can do to help alleviate some of the pressure and make the holidays more joy-filled for not only ourselves but for those around us as well? For the ease of the season, all we need to remember are just a couple of things.

1. Only do the things that bring YOU joy! Don’t do anything from obligation or guilt.) When we’re happy, that translates to everyone around us being happy too.

2. Ask for what you need and accept the help without trying to control the outcome. This will take trusting that everything will be perfect just the way it is.

Then simply say “Thank you, you have no idea how much what you’ve done to help me means to me.” That’s it. We can just start with these two simple things to help make the holidays less stressful. Now, go ahead and enjoy the holiday season to the fullest with a new sense of peace and relaxation. (PS… your new found sense of peace and relaxation will translate to those around you!)

Walking A Mile in Another Person's Shoes

This weekend I found myself wanting to make some cash and to do something fun. So I got on over to Craigslist and under the Help Wanted, Events, I found a gig as a cashier at a carnival about an hour away. I had applied on Friday and the position had been filled, but early Saturday I received a call and the position was offered to me. YES! Sounded like fun and I've always wanted to go to Wilcox, where the Apple Orchards are and it's even apple season. Super Cool!

Twelve to twelve, a twelve hour shift of standing basically in one place and then the clean up! Ugh!
I was exhausted and every inch of my body hurt and I had an hour drive home at midnight. The owner felt sorry for this old lady and told me to come in Sunday at noon instead of eleven. Okay.

I thought of my sister and her recent breast cancer surgery and her unwillingness to rest and take care of herself. Although I've accepted that she gets to live her life the way that she wants to, it also saddens me that we're a society where there are so many taboos around self-care.

Then I took another look at what I just did and will do again next weekend. The very same thing, pushing through in order to make a buck. Now, that's not the whole truth of it all, but that's the part that surfaced for me and I was able to understand my sister's decision better.

I also got to feel how it feels to be so completely exhausted that you can't speak. Of course, I've felt this many times in my life, but in the near past, I live a pretty stress free life. I was having a hard time understanding when my current roommate arrives home from work, he grunts like a caveman for hello. Now I get it! You're just too exhausted to do or say anything else.

To balance it all out, Sunday morning I took the time to explore Wilcox, a produce stand and an orchard before my shift started. It's fall and the corn maze, hay rides, pumpkin picking and children laughing all were in full swing. The hour drive back on Sunday evening in the desert twilight was pure magic.

Being able to see things from another person's perspective is helpful in living life free of judgements and with compassion. And the ultimate hope is that we can be as compassionate and judgement free for ourselves.

Remember to Be Good to Yourself!
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