Day 16 - Body Image Meat Suit

Why is this so hard to get?

From my time in Ireland with a shaman, I came to appreciate the fact that not all souls have the privilege of having a body and no matter what kind of body we have, it's a gift!

In this life, our bodies help our spirits to experience things that they can't without one. Our bodies are really God with Skin on. As important as Spirit is in our lives, we're just that important to Spirit because of our bodies.

And so, it's so sad that so many of us... including me... struggle with our body image. Gratitude... that's the appropriate response for our meat suit.

Growing up in SoCal,  I did all the things one does to keep in shape, because heaven forbid... I didn't want to be one of those fat old ladies! And then life goes on and you find yourself just able to get up and breathe each morning and nothing else mattered... And my body had changed.

Taking Aquatic Massage, my instructor lived at a clothing optional hot springs.  She wore a suit during her sessions because she said the space between the client and therapist must be neutral. I asked her about her personal experience of being naked in the hot springs as an older women. She simply said, "I feel nothing but gratitude. Just look around. That man took off his leg before entering and that woman has only one breast. There are all shapes and sizes. It's all good!"

Why then do we have such trouble? Of course... we want to be healthy. But beyond that there is a feeling lurking around many of us of being not good enough. Good enough for whom? We have a meat suit! Wow!

When I was about 50, I spent a summer in a small town in So Az and because I had no money for air conditioner, I found that if I didn't wear clothes, I didn't get hot. And because the property was completely fenced, it was doable. Still trying to accept myself completely as I was, I took it one step further and for a very short period that summer, I began watching porn. I know... but it was the only way that I could see the bodies of other women and give myself permission to have my body. We basically all have the same parts... beautiful!

I thought that I was completely over body image, and while I'm clearly not, (refer to Day 13) I find the gift in this challenge is to once again remind myself of the gift that a body is to the soul. To accept, love and appreciate all of its parts and allow myself the space to grieve the loss of the parts no longer with me... my appendix, uterus and ovaries. It is with deep gratitude for the joy they've brought me as a woman. I'm thankful for the reminder of this challenge... to love and accept me... all parts of my meat suit. 

SELF ACCEPTANCE PART 1

I had to laugh during a recent visit with my 83-year old aunt whom I hadn't seen in over a year. With the innocence of a child, she blurted out, You got fat! 

I reflected back to the writing of my now published, third book, A Year in a Suitcase. As I read back in my journals I had written about my astonishment to the fact that my weight had risen to new heights! During this time, I weighed more than when I delivered any one of my four children! Really? How could that be? How could I have let that happen…. to me?

Like many women, I had been weight conscious and even athletic in my younger years. It wasn’t until my life began to shift in a direction that I was unfamiliar with and all I could do, literally, was to remind myself to wake up and breathe through each moment. I didn’t care about anything else. I couldn’t care about anything else! When I finally began to emerge from The Dark Night of the Soul… I was in disbelief. Was this really my body? Oh how it had changed. I became a bit more aware and conscious of what I was putting in my mouth but I still wasn’t motivated to do much else about it.

While away on a trip, a book caught my attention. It was taken of brave women showing their tastefully exposed naked bodies. The title…. This is Who I Am…. I instantly knew that I would like to make a book titled…. This is My Body…. it is NOT Who I am!

My aunt had given me a gift, an opportunity to take another look at accepting myself exactly how I am. Can I love me… every inch of me without judgment? Can I be in choice? Can I consciously decide what I put into my mouth and enjoy it without guilt? Can I enjoy what I choose to put into my mouth without making excuses or punishing myself at a later date using the excuse, I ate/drank too much. When I get home… I have to fast/run…whatever punishment seems appropriate!

Certainly I want to be as healthy and look as good as possible. However, it seems as important to accept, love and make peace with me… exactly how I am.