HOW CAN YOU MISS ME IF I WON'T GO AWAY....

16 hrs of travel time from Chicago to Switzerland. I am typing from a Swiss computer, the keyboard is different...so excuse the errors. Things to write about, however my notes are downstairs. I just wanted to keep you updated. I knew the plugs were different in Ireland and Swiss and I brought converters....not the whole converter however. Certainly makes sense that I can't sleep with the time difference. Last night, I thought that I had turned off my computer to save the last bit of juice and I noticed the light flickering...I jumped out of bed...opened it up, tried to hook up to the net by turning on the airport and viola...there is civilization out there...I quickly checked any emails particuarly wanting to know how our first conference went in Tucson. I quickly read....a success....150 attendees, sold 10 books, 5 or 6 more going to use a credit card on the web....connections with others, connection with pima county council for the aging, possible speaking engagements and interest in the workshops you're offering in April. All in all a successful morning...
The message on the computer warned, you're on reserve power. I felt like Apollo 13, powering down, "Wait, don't go, don't leave me all alone" I begged. With that, poof....Until I get to Ireland, I'm going to trust, this is alone time....anyway...How can I miss you if you won't go away....so i
I'm signing off...kicking and screaming....until I can figure out my computer....Happy Days to all....love from me here in Swiss
I went to a famous sulfur spa today. Taking a benedryal tonight...maybe 2...met some intersting people on the plane....I don't chat with others, so a bit intersting, probably going to volunteer in Dublin for St. Patricks day, a few days before....from a lady

Next adventure, Switzerland/Ireland....Not so fun, all by yourself!

Time once again to leave my comfort zone! UGH! Damn it anyway! The sun honored my intention for retreat space while in Chicago and only peeked its head out as my daughter was driving me to the airport. I’m happy with the progress I made on my next book....because I was held hostage! No car, no sun...no diversions! I arrived 5 hrs early at the airport, which was lovely. I find myself once again in the funk that I get into every time I make a shift. Wanting to stay in control, I didn’t want to check my bag, the one I bought the day I found out my dad was dying, especially for international carry-on status! (I had not even flown anywhere internationally when I bought this bag...with money I didn’t even have! I charged it!) I went through this big ordeal not to check my bag, leaving behind some honey I had brought from the dessert for my friend but the bag weighed over 22 lbs, (it weighs over 22 lbs with nothing in it!) so I had to check it anyway!

I have at least learned from my daughters....while at the airport....go to the bar! 1 Jameson later, and I’m doing ok. I wasn’t going to spend $ on a drink, but then watching a young girl; she just used her card....easy....! I love being around this younger generation!

This, round 2 of the same trip that I made several years previous, is kind of a graduation for me. I remember back to the nervous younger woman, whose daughters helped to gently push her out of the nest. She could only make little legs of a trip at a time. First Chicago. OK, how about Ireland, now...can you add Switzerland? This trip, I was able to totally pack into my 18” suitcase and backpack, without even trying to force things!

I remember back, sitting in the office of my priest friend with tears welling up in my eyes, “It’s easy for you! You speak 7 different languages! I had to ride the train, to the bus to the plane to the train and went through 2 different languages! Scary! YES! did I make it? Of course!

I still don’t know how things are going to unfold, but I trust for my highest good!

I have been looking forward to this trip to Chicago and Ireland (Switzerland, just sort of slipped in there) so I could get my shoes polished! Dang! No shoe shinning at the International Airport. Can you believe it!

DAY 8-9 2 Whirlwind days in Grass Valley

Two whirlwind days in Grass Valley. There were many things that transpired, I saw family and friends that crossed my path. I like exchanging body work when getting together with my friends that do body work. I ran some errands, tried to get my EVL2LVE license plates on the car. Two trips later to the DMV, still an issue. I took my paperwork and thought, hmmm, maybe I am done in this area, like I’d been saying. All loose ends were cleaned up this trip. My only tie to the area now is my house. The PO Box is closed. I even found myself giving the AZ address to the DMV. Just watching.

I saw Bishop Quinn and was very touched that we did a tree meditation and a Rising Star healing on him. Visiting Sr. Adele in Vallejo, we also did a Rising Star healing on her. We related the 7 main energy chakras to the Sacraments. Then headed down to LA for an early flight the next day to Chicago. My priest friend in LA will keep my car for the 6 weeks that I’m gone.

The pictures are of Vallejo and Grass Valley.

CURRENT TRIP - ADDED NOTE

CURRENT TRIP

Just as the remnants of the last blizzard were starting to dissipate and a herd of deer were playing a game of dodge ball on the open field near the pond, the snow began to fall once again. The flights were delayed and so my daughter drove to her next basketball destination, Fort Wayne. There doesn’t seem to be any reason for missing a game in the referee arena. She took my set of wheels, which were really hers, which left me at home to focus on my writing! Dang! I am very easily diverted from what my intentions are. Later in the day she called to say that the game had been postponed until tomorrow night. So the dog and I saddled ourselves up and hiked into town...we left at 2:15 and got back to the train station at 4. I had some flyers and posters that needed to be mailed for our first Conference in Tucson, AZ. Sore feet for me and icicles hanging from the tummy of the dog, we took a taxi from the train station home. It was quite an adventure.

In continuing to think along the lines of yesterdays comments, Why do I get to live this way…I was reminded early this morning while lying in bed, cuddling the dog, that everything changes. Everyone has an opportunity in life to reach their dreams. A friend sent me a email with Frank Sinatra singing Bring in the Clowns and the clips were of comedians of the past era. How young and vivacious they were. How much joy they brought to the lives and hearts of so many. But their day have slipped away, making space for the next generation of entertainers to emerge.

I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older, that absolutely everything is in our reach.

Remember that house you always wanted? I do. I was in high school and my parents bought a house for $17,000. The house I wanted was like the parents of a friend of mine, it cost $40,000. Oh, if only I could afford a $40,000 house and someday I will!

Yep, you guessed it, the very model I had dreamed about became mine, of course the price was now $100,000, but nevertheless, it was mine.

If you wait long enough, that job promotion, that fancy car, that dream you hold in your heart will all have space to materialize….as the world turns, space opens up….for YOU! I’ve been paying close attention and it’s true!

I guess what I’m trying to say is to follow your dreams, set your goals, think big….then even BIGGER than you have ever imagined. Plan a foolish project like Noah and care not what others may think or say!

I think the hardest part is seeing ourselves BIGGER, picturing ourselves as writers, speakers, massage therapists or an NBA basketball referee. Visual yourself in the role you’re wanting to manifest for yourself!

This is your life and you do not want to get to the end of it and realize that you never really lived!

I’ll leave you with this thought from Aunti Mamme…

LIVE, LIVE, LIVE, Life is a banquet and most poor souls are starving!

ADDED NOTE: ALL WHO WANDER ARE NOT LOST!

CURRENT TRIP

I’m still here in Chicago, in the land of ice and no sun! They say....it’s going to snow tonight!

I had an insightful conversation with a friend about my current lifestyle. It was brought to my attention, “Why do you get to live this amazing life while the rest of us have to work for what we get? You have others who take care of you!” (Some others don’t see it as amazing at all, but rather not having a place to call home, or ‘things’ to call their own, can be rather a burden! We all have different life journeys!)

My answer: Because I had the courage to let go of the illusion of security and follow the doors that opened up for me, even when I didn’t understand how things could possibly work out, trusting that my needs would be met. I’ve not missed a meal, not slept on the side of the road ...yet!

This may sound like Pollyanna thinking, however, my old way of life was not working any longer. I had to find a new way to move in the world or kill myself. Truly, I saw these as my options and if I hadn’t killed myself the doctors would have with all of their well intentions of pills to help me through my troubled times. I could no longer continue to live the way I had been living and working for the past 40 years. My hand was forced.

AND, Yes, I had to learn to receive. It is probably one of the most difficult parts on my vision quest. But what I have learned is that when I say No to the Universe/God, the God/ the Universe starts to say No to me. When I can’t receive a gift, it stops the flow of energy. People can’t give gifts if others won’t receive them.

I also know that recovering from co-dependency tendencies, that sometimes people offer things, not wanting you to say yes. However, the practice for me is to say yes to receiving in order for me to learn balance. I have to trust that everyone is speaking from their heart and won’t offer what they do not want to give. I have to accept that while another may offer me physical support, I too offer myself in the friendship, after all, isn’t that truly all that we have to offer to this world? The gift of ourselves?

A song from Michael Jackson comes to my mind: Human Nature:

If They Say -

Why, Why, Tell ‘Em That Is Human Nature

I Like Livin’ This Way...

DAY 7 - CARMEL TO GRASS VALLEY VIA THE SCENIC ROUTE

Before I left Carmel, I went to see UB…he said I had put a spell on him. He was so happy and calm and willing to stay and do his physical therapy so that he could go home.

Before checking out from the charming cottage, I gave the owner, an older gentlemen, whom I had some lovely conversations with, a book with my gratitude. I don’t actually know why I just felt like giving him one.

I went to see my old pastor at a rest home in Oakland. He looked good…sitting in his chair…dressed. He can hear, he knew who I was. I gave him a book and read a story to him about a mutal friend that I had written about. He absolutely knew what I was talking about. His eyes lit up. I sat with him awhile while they were serving lunch. He is on an all liquid diet. There is a fun energy at the Sister of Mercy’s Care Center that was missing where UB was staying. Even though others had said not to go and see Father, I’m so happy I did. I’ve learned not to listen to the OPINIONS of others concerning matters of the heart for me.

I continued to drive to Grass Valley, of course, taking a ‘wrong’ turn and ended up driving along the Delta. It was a lovely side trip, even though I was complaining to myself that the stupid GPS didn’t know where it was going!

My stay in my old home town was only 2 days and so I wanted see as many of my friends as I could so my first stop was a family in Nevada City….Super bowl Sunday! Fun! I had dinner with my son’s family and got to see his new house. It’s a lovely space for them and their 3 dogs.

I ended the long day by spending the night at another friend’s house and doing a soul blessing for her dad while I was there. She was away at a Super bowl party and while I missed seeing her, I loved the space to do laundry and rest a bit on this whirl wind trip.

DAY 6 CARMEL - Pictures, Yverdon-les-Baines, Switzerland

I am writing about the beginning of this vision quest journey and at the bottom, talking about what’s happening for me now.

Carmel - My friend is in a funk this morning. He’s so ready to go back home. I told him that I would see (my friend’s uncle) UB at the new place he was going for some physical therapy and then I would see him Sunday morning before I left which gave him the peace to leave. I gave UB a book. At first he said he didn’t want to read it, then he found out I wrote it and he changed his mind. He gets very emotional when he talks about his ex wife. My friend and I tidied up UB’s condo, paid a few bills and then met a friend of his, who is the coordinator for the Alzheimer’s Association, at the beach, who was walking her daughter’s pet pig! We gave her a book.

My friend left for home in the afternoon and I went for another walk downtown and then to Carmel beach for sunset. This night, was very different from last night as there were many people waiting to bid good night to the sun. I met the most incredible tree! I’m seeing faces in most everything now, from nature to electronics! I had thought I would go downtown for another night of music but the night before was so perfect, I didn’t want to de disappointed from the magic of the previous night when my friend and I had the whole town practically to ourselves!

CURRENT TRIP:

Still here in in Chicago. Today it’s very icy and burrrrrrrr, cold!

As of yesterday, I still had no idea where I was going in Ireland. I had pulled an angel card in Grass Valley and I was asking for guidance about the trip to Ireland. It read, “Retreat - Seminars.” Trying to keep that in mind, I was testing the waters to see what opened up. I thought I would go to the Rising Star Retreat Center, but after several emails, it didn’t feel right. Yesterday afternoon my friend in Switzerland asked if I would come to see her. Hmmmm, something that I hadn’t considered.

Several years ago when I began this vision quest journey and one of my daughter’s asked of me, “Mom, why aren’t you traveling? With a flight attendant for a daughter, what a great opportunity!” Without hesitation, I answered, “If I was to be honest, I think I’m afraid.” I had a little talk with myself, “Well, if that’s the reason, then you’re going girl!” I began by going to Ireland and Switzerland and now when I feel like I’m coming to the end of the ‘official” traveling journey, (for now) I find myself back where I started. Hopefully this time with a bit wiser and with a bit more confidence.

I remember sitting in the office of my priest friend in Ireland before leaving for Switzerland, with tears in my eyes. He is a world traveler and speaks many different languages. My first trip out of my little comfort zone ever, was when I flew to Chicago and he met me at the airport and showed me how to ride the ‘El.’ (Chicago public transportation.)

That being said, how do I know that this unexpected trip to Switzerland is in alignment with my journey? RS Retreat Center didn’t feel right and the invitation came for this trip. The price was good, the money to go appeared and the times my plane arrives in Swiss and Dublin are perfect. My last trip, I couldn’t even ride the train without issue. My Siss friend’s home is a lovely retreat place. She’s written a book on how she cured herself from auto immune disease, simply by changing her diet and eating organically. This time will be a refresher course for me and being in a more grounded state of mind, my hope is that I can take some of her techniques back with me and integrate them in my life.

DAY 5 – Trip to Carmel, Pebble Beach

I left LA at 3AM to avoid LA traffic and headed to Carmel to see my friend and his Uncle. I decided to get off at San Miguel Mission. St Michael works with me and I wondered to myself, why not get off? What’s keeping you? I drove around the mission a bit and noticed a cactus climbing the wall, looking like a big lizard…dreams. I then saw in my minds eye, an eagle feather…St Michael, then decided to go to 8:15AM Mass. The seat I picked in the Mission, Michael had an impish smile and was looking directly at me. Fr. Larry talked about in his homily…entertaining angels with out knowing it’s an angel. Both times he talked about it, he laughed. After mass, I thought to give Fr. a book. I brought it in, he was just like Sr. Wendy….repeated my name many times. He was the most charming man….truly an angel…I told him that I was entertaining an angel right now…him…I kissed his hand….he said the same to me, YOU are an angel…he kissed my hand….

Listening to a lady talk to the priest…politicians doing God’s will…it came to me…our perception of God’s Will….which is what gets us into trouble. Our judgments come into play, get in the way.

Uncle Bill was a mess when my friend and I arrived at the hospital. He’s 91 and used to having things his way. He was not a happy camper and considered a problem by the nursing staff. I sat with next to him, holding his hand, stroking his arm, sending him love and healing energy. By the afternoon, I was in the room with him when the discharge nurse was giving him his options…I was able to persuade him to go to the convalescing home for a few days to get his strength up. He agreed. He said I put a spell on him.

My friend and I went for a drive….17 mile Pebble Beach run. We had a sandwich for lunch at Pacific Grove beach. Saw UB again….each time he got calmer. Drove to Rocky Point Bar, restaurant….for a sunset….magnificent…we were nearly the only ones there, sitting at the corner table having a fun drink and sharing an appetizer. It was lovely for me to have a lovely visit and not have to worry about paying. We drove back to Carmel….walked downtown…had a drink/split a salad and bread…walked uptown…live music….I danced…my friend danced 2 times with me…The singer was an amazing artist…he sang Halleluiah like you wouldn’t believe. All and all the most enchanting day/evening at the beach! I’m glad I said yes when I was invited to visit Uncle Bill.

DAY 4 - LOS ANGELES

After getting a free oil change in my car, (where I purchased it) I headed up the freeway to Downtown Los Angeles where I was going to have lunch with Sister Edith. I had looked up the addresses of several Hospice facilities in the area so that I could leave books at them while I was in town.

We had a lovely lunch and talked about my talks beginning Sept. 17 and continuing for the first 4 Saturdays in October. I was very excited that she was still supporting my dream. (The picture at the right is the opening ceremony for the Religious Education Conference (40,000 attendees at the Anaheim Convention Center) which was the original intent for my speaking.)

I drove to see my priest friend in Whittier and then my sister and biggest fan had arranged for me to do a Rising Star Healing for a friend of hers. It was very touching to me and I’m very grateful for the opportunity. I ended up with a yummy dinner at my sister’s and another Rising Star Healing, this time for my niece. When we got to the sacral chakra, we both heard a baby cry....wow! My dad’s spirit was very present at this session. I have really felt the spiritual support on this trip BIG TIME! Leaving at 3AM the next morning for Carmel, to see the uncle of a dear friend! Uncle Bill is 91 and just went to the hospital for a bit of physical therapy, but he’s quite a challenge to the nursing staff as in his head his thinks of his sex life as being a young teenager!

SIDE NOTE: As the time draws closer for my phone meeting with my editor for my next book, this afternoon, I notice that I am beginning to feel a little anxious. It’s always a little scary putting yourself ‘out there.’ Once you’re material is out...it’s out! Sometimes it’s hard to hear what needs to be said in order to move a project forward. I try consciously not to make excuses, but simply listen to the advice, after all, it is solicited, I am paying for this service!

EXCITING NEWS FOR ME: *The meeting with the editor was great. Still needs work of course, however I had learned a lot from the first project, so I got a BIG Thumbs up! * Seamus called from Ireland, I at least now have some sort of connection. Even though I still have no idea what I’m doing, where I’m going, I had said, "I need God with skin on," and Seamus called! * I got my first official book order today:) St. Michael is on it! San Miguel Mission, 6 books and a dozen of each of the postcards! OK, troops, chins up, we’re moved to the next square on the board of LIFE game! Yes, there are still many more squares and turns to go. Thank you for all your love and support! Even though this was an exciting day for me, I continue to remember from John Denver, “Sometimes I fly like an eagle and sometimes I’m deep in despair!” I’m thankful for the journey!

SIDE NOTE - VISION QUESTING, ANXIETY!!

Just as an added little side note, Vision Questing doesn’t come without its issues. I’m in need of constant support from many different sources and on many different levels, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

For some it may appear a bit intriguing, however, I know for others, they can’t think of anything less interesting!

While I am certain that I was to leave the security of where I had been living for the past 3 months and the doors opened for a trip to Ireland, now that the time is getting closer I find myself in one of my panty twists.

Where am I going? Where in the friggin’ hell am I going? What am I going to do for a full month? Where am I staying? I keep thinking of different excuses not to go. My daughter needs me to horse sit; help her move...the Uncle of a friend of mine could use me to help him when he gets out of the hospital and I’m sure I can think up a couple of more distractions! I think the Universe is pretty tricky, as my ticket is non-refundable!

What make it extra difficult is traveling alone. My first trip to Ireland, Switzerland and Spain, revealed to me, that while I was physically alone, I was never truly alone. There was always support on a spiritual level. But dang it.....sometimes you just need God with skin on!

I called my shaman (support person). “This trip is like getting your PHD. You’re going for refinement in what you’ve been getting training in the past 10 years. You’re ready for this! Just feel into to the unsettled feelings and breathe, see who inside still needs reassurance and love.”

With that, I’ll go back on my retreat here in Chicago and try to stay in the moment, trusting things will unfold as they will...

DAY 3 - LAKE HAVASU to SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

My intention for this leg of my trip was to meet with Sr. Edith about speaking at the LA Regional Congress this year. We’ve been in communication since Bishop Quinn had contacted her on my behalf to speak at the LA Congress. (A Catholic Religious Education Conference with 40,000 attendees).

Well, first things first! My first stop was a hair appointment in Newport Beach! As I was driving to Newport Beach, I once again felt like I had been energetically stuck in AZ and glad that I had the courage to leave. Driving in the back way, through San Bernardino, I thought, ‘Southern California feels good, feels familiar.’ I grew up here. Now it only felt good because I made it all the way to the beach without hitting any traffic! A miracle in itself!

I arrived early and had to put my feet in the Pacific Ocean. Remembering my time in Hawaii, I walked to the edge of the ocean and reintroduced myself, asking for protection, as is the custom in the Hawaiian Spiritual Tradition. I walked along the beach and then to the end of the pier, embraced by the sun. The wind, (Spirit) began to make its presence known as I made my way back to the car.

I met a friend in Huntington Beach, my old stomping grounds for a birthday dinner and received a lovely pedicure, a birthday present from one of my daughters. I then drove to Buena Park to pick up the key for my 2 nights stay in Orange County. (to be continued)

BEFORE ARRIVING IN LAKE HAVASU CITY, I VISITED RED ROCK INDIAN PETROGLYPHS

The one thing I had wanted to do on my 58th birthday was to visit the petroglyphs near where I was living in southern Arizona, however I hadn’t made the time to do it. I got on the road, and missed the turn to the Phoenix Bypass. Well, I wasn’t going back! I called my daughter to have her look up where the road I was on was headed. (The marvels of modern technology!) Guess where it lead me...Red Rock Indian Petroglyphs, near Yuma, AZ. There is Spiritual Energy that calls to me and is comforting to me when I’m in it. (The pictures from yesterday are from the Colorado River on the way to Lake Havasu City.)

It was early evening when I arrived at the Colorado River and AHHHHH, I knew why I had come this way. The sun was beginning to set behind the west mountains in California, revealing the amazing faces in the hills on the east shoreline. The shadows revealed little faces, one flowing into the next. They resembled fat little cherub angels with impish grins. Ever since my last trip to Ireland, I’ve begun to see Spiritual Support in nature. I asked the question, “What do I need to know?” And continued on my drive. I felt a change in energy, very....well, just breathe deeply! All is well!

I spent the night with an old neighbor and her mother, from Grass Valley. We visited and the mother of my friend was complaining about her stiff knee. I asked if they were interested in doing a Rising Star Energy Healing, synergistically, for all three of us. Yes! We turned down the lights, played some relaxing music and proceeded with the session. I had done this once before on another trip. My friend called to report that she couldn’t stop laughing the next day, she had such joy in her heart! (RS works wherever the healing is needed, many times, different than what we think we need.) (Rising Star link if you’re interested in learning more.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcAvzilg8Ao

The next morning, I was gifted $15 and a lovely packed lunch. There was a Mobil station in town...imagine that! After filling my tank, I started on the next leg....California....here I come!

I had left behind cold weather in AZ and the sun followed me on my trip! What a great traveling companion! (to be continued)

CURRENT TOUR

I’ve been asked to write about my travels and so I will begin with when I left Az on Feb. 1st, sharing what happened along the way.

This current trip took me from Southern Arizona, north, to Lake Havasu, then west, to LA, Carmel, Pebble Beach, SFO, Sacramento, Grass Valley, Roseville, Vallejo, LA, Chicago, Ireland, and back to Chicago the end of March, ending up with a house sitting opportunity in Tubac, AZ, April 1.

To begin with, I knew it was time to hit the road again and it was a bit harder this time as I had become comfortable with the people and life situations I was enjoying in southern Arizona, (SUN!) but I knew something was calling me to leave.

Several months ago, I had purchased a car, something I had been without for the past year and a half. A car for me is my freedom, my security blanket, it’s a place where I listen to God. It had been quite an experience without a car, but now with one, I had the freedom to go wherever I wanted. Some people thought that I was running away, but after much soul searching, it was really a 'calling' I felt. It would have been much easier for me to stay in the familiar than it would be for me to leave, heading into the unknown, having to trust that all my needs would be met and the most humbling, having to say ‘yes’ to receiving the generosity of others, something I have had much practice at since I began this 2 year Vision Quest Journey I have been on.

I had it in my mind to be on the road on my 58th birthday, Feb. 1st. My finances were, as usual, less than desirable and so when an opportunity arose to work on my birthday, I postponed my trip. I wasn’t surprised when the weather turned cold, the job had been canceled and I found myself on the road, yes, you guessed it...on my birthday! Surprise!

I sat at the desk of my friend, before leaving, looking at the $3 that I had to take on this trip and wondered, “Was I out of my flipin’ mind?” Now mind you, I’ve never missed a meal or had to sleep on the side of the road...yet!

I had just written a check to reserve a table at a Caregivers Conference to sell my books and was tossing around the idea of skipping it this year, thus saving the $100 and take it with me. Right then, a friend called and ordered 3 books! OK, well now I had $48, a full tank of gas, a Mobil Credit card, everything I owned, a lunch my friend had packed for me and the symbolism that I was going to be provided for. I was set to go!

On my last trip to Chicago, I had applied for a Mobile gas card....Why, I had wondered. I didn’t even own a car and yet, I found myself filling out the application. Much to my surprise, they gave me one! Now I knew....I needed the card for this trip! Sometimes we get to know why we feel like doing something and other times we don’t. We just trust that we’re following our intuition that comes from Divine Guidance. (to be continued)