I'M HAPPY, I CAN BREATHE AND I'M HOPEFUL!

"My wife," (soon to be ex) " is telling all of our friends that I've gone off the deep end! That I'm living out in the middle of nowhere in the desert and that they all need to go and save me before I do something stupid!" he said.

This was the beginning of a very enlightening conversion between a client and myself one evening over dinner.   It was interesting to me that she thought he needed an intervention. I've only known him a short period of time but from my viewpoint, he's got it going on! He knows he wants to make changes and he's doing it! 

Then he began to run off a litany of adjectives of how he was feeling. "I'm depressed, anxious, confused, hurt, disappointed, and all of my security is gone! I'll be working forever now to fulfill my retirement requirements." 

And then... sitting under the twinkly lights on the huge manzanita tree under the desert sky, he said something that felt magical. He blurted out without missing a beat or even knowing what he was saying. "But, I'm happy, I can breathe and I'm hopeful!" 

"Oh my gosh!" I exclaimed, witnessing his clarity. "Did you hear those words that just came out of your mouth?" And I repeated them for him to really hear what he had said. "I'm happy, I can breathe and I'm hopeful!" 

Of course, we all go through the same emotional roller coaster ride of life, where depression and anxiety can feel overwhelming. But when we can complete the sentence with "I'm happy, I can breath and I'm hopeful," well, does it get any better than that? 

So go ahead, you don't always need to have a plan, sometimes you just need to breathe, let go and see what happens! 

DEPRESSION...MAJOR CONTRACTION!

I just left Green Valley, AZ, where I will be housesitting on some very special land and lovely house for the summer. Yahoo! Yesterday, I was headed to San Diego to housesit for a week. I took a detour to Joshua Tree National Forest, someplace that I pass up every time I head west and yet have never made the effort to stop, even though it's been calling my name for sometime. This time, I did! (Another blog.)

After a yummy dinner with my sister's family in So Cal, I continued on south to San Diego. When I began the climb up the steep driveway I started laughing. You've got to be kidding! Another spectacular home, in the hills of San Diego, complete with view of the city lights and swimming pool and spa! Wow! Whose the lucky girl?

With things seemingly going smoothly, why am I depressed? So depressed that I deactivated my Facebook. Why? I use it as a diversion when I sit down to write....Hmmmm, let me see what's happened since the last time I logged on...and...it just makes me feel bad about myself. 

I read the Writer's Blog....before writing your book you should: Write an overview paper. Whose your target audience paper? Write an about you paper. Establish yourself as an authority. Whose work is yours like? Now, I'm just paralyzed. While it's all great information, I don't know any of the answers.

On Facebook, I get invitations to join this club and that webinar. Again, I just feel bad about me....why? I'm not doing it! They're all doing what they love...they're all making money, they're taking risks and they have friends. Not me:(  (Yes, it's a small pity party, but we're in the shadow of a retrograde, so there!)

Well, the bottom line is...I don't know who my target audience is. (Not that I haven't been trying to figure it out!) I don't know how I want to continue my next book and I don't know anything! 

The problem: I don't care about following people, who their friends are and what they ate yesterday. And I don't think anyone cares about that for me. I promote thinking for oneself, not following. 

Someday when I learn how to use social media, I will! Until then....I'm taking a week off! I'm not working and I'm not writing any in my book! (Even though my BFF and I have a date to compare books when I return to AZ. I'll just have to go empty handed!) 

What I know about contractions, is that there is a birth following! So for now...I'm going to enjoy this beautiful place and when the energy begins to flow again...I'll follow it...until then....Enjoy your summer! It's the official first day today:)))) Yahoo! 

There is no love without forgiveness

I haven't written in a bit as I've been in a state of...well, I hate to use the word depression as I have nothing to be depressed about.

However, this is typical when I take myself out of the familiar and am alone in a new environment with just ME!

It's just like yoga for me. It's in the movements that space is created. And it is in that space that we place our awareness, focus on the breath and allow any feelings that we've kept tamped down the space to emerge.

It's in the movements of my shamanic journey (following the flow of energy) that I create the space to feel what still needs healing. 

When I'm in unfamiliar territory, space has been freed up, I can feel the feelings of being alone, lonely and sometimes even rejected and abandoned. (I wonder if there were no texting, cell phone and email if I'd feel the same...) These feelings are not reality. I know that I am loved and supported. (Thank you!) 

A friend sent me this picture and asked if I agreed. My answer... I think self forgiveness is the most important, hardest and least mentioned. I think that these feelings that have the space to arise in my movement can be connected to self forgiveness, self love and self respect. 

TRAVELING UPDATE: I've spent the past two weeks ripping up old carpet, preparing the floor and laying laminate with my friend here in Huntington Beach. The past two days, I've had the honor of caring for a 2 month newborn baby, a real honor to be a part of this little one's life. He had a lot that he wanted to say to me! Very Sweet. Friday, I am heading back to AZ to be a part of the Physic Fair in Tucson, then back to HB. 

Depressed, Frustration, Anger, Resentment? Ask yourself 2 Questions!

I find now when I feel anxious or depressed or am resenting someone or something, it is because I am not living my truth, who I am, what I want and need. (Very hard to figure out at times, but that's another story!)

The two questions I ask myself in all situations are simply these:
1. What would you do if you weren't afraid? (What are you afraid of?)
2. What would you do if it weren't about money? (I'll answer in the next blog!)

Ask the questions; feel the reactions; go through in you mind and body, the very worst that would happen if you did the thing you're thinking about.

My examples:

I had a daughter flying with an airline; my other daughter asked me the question, "Mom, how come you're not traveling?" (as it was free for me) "Well, if I'm to be truthful, I think it's because I'm afraid!"
So I had a good talking to myself..."If that's the real reason, you're afraid, then you're going girl!" And I was afraid, I had barely traveled anywhere really, let alone Internationally. I decided to be gentle with myself (something new for me) and go to a place where they spoke English.
What I found out, was that I was NEVER ALONE. There were always angels and divine presence every step of the way! A person traveling on the same bus to the same destination, several countries and languages away; someone who shows up to help you with the machine to buy a train ticket in a different language; an eagle flying overhead reminding me that Spirit is always present!

More recently, feeling like I wanted to take Evolve to Live on tour...I asked myself, "What would you do if you weren't afraid?" I instantly answered, "I'd sell my house, buy a motorhome and travel with Evolve to Live. Next part: "What are you afraid of?" It's the wrong thing, I sell my house and have nothing, gas is too expensive, people with think I'm crazy...etc. You get the picture. Once you go through it all, let yourself feel it, live it...then you're free to move forward.

I'll leave you with this thought:

I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize I lived what someone else thought life was about. Cheers