THE JOURNEY

I work, I plan, I create, money goes out, nothing comes in....it’s exhausting!

I call my friend, just hearing his voice makes me cry....what are the tears about?

I become acutely aware of the fact that I do not fit in, I’m different. I think I come from a different planet...

For the first time in 11 years, I’ve allowed myself to become a member of a group, the Master Minds. Are the tears, that once I let others get close, I feel like running? Run where?

I’m sensitive to the fact that I do appreciate the friends and family in my life who honor my life path. Accepting and loving me always and understanding when I go underground. They are not offended by the amount of time that goes by before I resurface and connect once again. I want to say now how much I love and appreciate you! Thank you!

The angel cards that I have been pulling relate to the fact that 'hang in there', the tide is getting ready to turn... I flash back to a memory of telling my mother in the middle of the night, “It’s always darkest before the dawn, just a little while longer before it gets light out!” But I just say Fuck you....it’s all talk....nothing changes....except my constant challenge of financing my projects.....I figure it out, sell the house, the house unsells...what the hell? I continue to borrow....

The song that comes on the radio, from the Beatles, All my Lovin’...what are the chances this old Beatle song would play on the radio and not an Oldies station. I’m aware, I inwardly try to give thanks and yet,it feels just like another promise....

I head off to a meeting at a Retirement facility and before I walk in, I wonder how I can go in there after crying all the way there....my cell phone beeps....an email that simply reads, 'Please Advise, Pati’s travel/speaking schedule.’

Wow! Someone is out there....someone is listening...someone does care what I have to share.....

My theory is correct....God throws a bone. We get one brick laid on the path that we are traveling at a time...we stand, waiting for the next to be laid....I begin looking for wildflowers and ants while I wait.....can I enjoy the wait...can I enjoy the journey....because after all that’s really all there is....The Journey.....

SOMETIMES I FLY LIKE AN EAGLE & SOMETIMES I'M DEEP IN DESPAIR!

Here I am, alone at the beautiful beach and depression begins to rear it's ugly head once again. You may ask yourself...as I ask myself....what in the heck do you have to be depressed about? The answer comes....I'm alone with me....again! When I give myself the space, last little bits of unsettledness begin to emerge and I'm stuck with just myself and my pity party! Quick...how do I make this uncomfortableness go away? Diversion of course! No car...well a car with a bad transmission...it'll be ok...I'll just go......around the corner! Driving always makes me feel better....until a sharp jolt wakes me up....it's the transmission! 'You need to stay in your uncomfortableness,' and recognize what the feels of loneliness and anxiety are all about for the healing to begin. I'm reminded of the John Denver song....Looking for Space....'Sometimes I fly like an eagle and sometimes I'm deep in despair! That's it...that's life....it the journey...it's the up's and down's, and the down's that help me to appreciate the up's!