LET THE BEAUTY OF WHAT WE LOVE BE WHAT WE DO

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty and frightened. Don't open the door to the study and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument. Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. Rumi 

My final days in Grass Valley, CA (I think:) I've been meeting people from my old church and even attended the Unity Church, meeting some wonderful people there. I went for a walk with an old friend and we were talking about Mass. Later that afternoon, I had planned to go to the 5PM Mass. But before that, I went to see an old friend who had moved to a retirement community in town. 

I knocked on her door and after hearing, "Come in!" I walked in. Her eyes lit up like I was Santa Claus! We visited and she told me about her bloody sheets that were soaking in the small bathroom sink. I offered to put new sheets on her bed, but enjoying the company, she insisted that we do it together. Later we then took her laundry to the washer and I walked her down for dinner. (Self-Care note: I was invited for dinner but said No Thank you, not this time.) 

Of course by this time Mass was over and I thought to myself, "I've just been to church." I joyfully spent time with another and I experienced God. Like Rumi says, There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. And for me, There are hundreds of ways to be with and experience God and sometimes it happens in sharing in a like minded communities (church), sometimes it happens in the presence of another and sometimes it happens all alone. And it's all GOoD!

BENJAMIN BUTTON - HEALING DOG

Benjamin Button (Beau)
riding in his bicycle basket

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field. (A field free from judgment, especially self-judgment) I will meet you there..."Rumi 

The words from the movie Out of Africa, run through my head. Karen began her story with the sentence, “I had a farm, I had a farm in Africa.” And for me, I had a dog, I had a dog  named Benjamin, Benjamin Button. He was for me as the farm in Africa was for Karen, a place of love and growing.

My intention was to acquire a certified healing dog…and he came to heal me. He came to help heal my guarded heart. How do I know? I can feel it….I can feel it breaking as he drives away on the lap of his new owner who assures me that he's found his forever home. 

There is an emptiness deep inside as the involuntary tears run down my cheeks. It seems so funny to me that I had such a panty twist about getting him and a hard time embracing ownership of being responsible for another. I was in constant contact with my shaman as I knew that it had little to do with getting a dog, but really what the mirror of getting a dog was for my life.  My BFF had said that I hadn’t had him long enough to grow attached to him. When you’re in love, time has no meaning. 

Yes, we had our issues, (mostly mine). Like any new relationship, it takes time to get to know one another. However, this AM as we lie in bed after his bath, (we went for a walk along the Santa Cruz river….we’ll IN the Santa Cruz River,) and he had his daily brushing and eye trimming, we just laid next to each other and for a moment, life was good.

Thank you to all who journeyed with me, those who supported my decision, those who thought it was crazy, stupid, what's wrong with you, etc.  All I can say is that I was open to what I had intended and I could have missed the pain....but then...I'd have had to miss the dance! (Garth Brooks)