For the past month I've been writing a series called, From Here to There, Conscious Holiday Living, for Meditation Talks, an online publication. This is the last in a series of five articles I've written called, From Here to There, Conscious Holiday Living, that I've written for an online publication, Meditation Talks. At the end of the article are the links to the four previous articles. Have a wonderful Holiday season, no matter how you choose to celebrate!
From Here to There
Holiday Traditions
Conscious Living
Part 5 - Living Beyond Obligation
It’s easy to get caught up either in the excitement of the
season or to become cynical and non-participating. Mindful living challenges us
to pause, check in with ourselves and make conscious decisions on how we want
to partake in this holiday season, not from obligation but from a place of
choice.
Thank you for joining me for the past five weeks as
we’ve explored the possible evolution of holiday traditions and even possibly
the permission to evolve your own holiday traditions, keeping what brings you
joy and leaving behind what doesn’t.
The things that we’ve touched on so far is letting our
holiday traditions evolve as we do; not letting anyone define for us how we wish
to celebrate (or not); exploring the different love languages; other ways to
show love during the holidays; and now we wrap it up with living beyond
obligation. And once again, it all begins with being mindful and simply
stopping, checking in with ourselves and choosing what will bring us joy. Sounds a bit selfish doesn’t it? I mean
after all, the holidays are supposed to be for giving and sharing, right? Well,
often times the most important person in our life is neglected. And when they
should be the first on our list, often, they don’t even make the list. Can you
guess who I’m talk about? Yes… YOU! Really considering what YOU want and what
will make YOU happy! Remember the old saying, “If mamma ain’t happy ain’t no
body happy?” Let’s take it one step further and say, “If I’m not happy, if I’m
saying yes to things that don’t make
me smile, things that I can’t do with joy, then, that translates to
passive/aggressive behavior, displaced anger, depression or all of the above.
Yes, yes, I know all the excuses. Here are just a few of our
many excuses for saying yes when we
should have said no. “I should;
Common decency dictates; We’ve always done it that way; I don’t want to
disappoint; My boss expects; My friends won’t understand; I can’t say no;” are
just a that we might find rumbling through our minds.
But, just remember this, that
saying YES to something
means saying NO to something
else.
In beginning to discern what we can do this holiday season without
feeling obligated and with joy, we can begin simply by asking ourselves a
couple of questions. “What would the perfect day/week look like? Will you be
happy when you return home that you went or will you be complaining about it
and everyone there? Will it bring you joy? (And yes, sometimes doing
something that we know will make another happy will bring us joy!) But this is
tricky, because we may be tempted to say yes… to keep the peace… to please another,
(sometimes it’s just our perception) but in doing so, it will make us unhappy,
angry or sad. So, where and how can you compromise with joy? “I will go
to Aunt Martha’s with you for dinner, because you asked me to and I know that
it’s important to you. But I’ll bring my own transportation so that I can leave
and you’ll be free to stay and visit as long as you like. How would that be?”
Be sure to not let yourself get talked into to doing something that doesn’t
feel good to you. You will just be mad at yourself and resent them later, which
isn’t a good combo, especially for happy holidays.
If the answer you want to give is no, you could say
something like, “No, you go and spend time with your family. It’s my gift to
you.”
I was traveling on Thanksgiving Day several years ago when
this new concept of holidays spent apart was introduced to me. I had a
conversation with a gentleman who was traveling to Florida to golf while his
wife went to spend time with her family in Denver! I realized that they were
apart, each renewing themselves however was life giving to them and returned
home, both revitalized from not putting their expectations on the other.
If someone has a panty twist about your decision, that’s
you’re gift to them. It’s an opportunity for them to see where they have wounds
that are arising. Just remember that they get to see and feel what they’re
experiencing. You are not responsible for their happiness. In fact, the only
happiness you’re responsible for is YOURS!
Many people have no idea what boundaries look like and you
may be the first person in their life that has the courage to say what will and
will not work for you. So be gentle with them and yourself, but don’t give
yourself away, don’t say yes if you
clearly mean no. You’re learning and
modeling what self-care looks like is a gift to everyone, including yourself.
Everyone gets to pause, check in with themselves and do the things that feed
their soul.
So this holiday season, try living beyond feeling obligated.
Be patient, it may be a new skill. Living life guiltless is something many of
us have to learn how to do. Saying YES to you will mean peace for those around
you. Happy Celebrating; however you choose to do it this year!
If you’d like to contact me with a specific question or if
you’d like to explore further how to implement boundary setting in your life,
just send me an email. If you’d like to receive my monthly newsletter you can
sign up below as well.
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